Blind to Bounds

Farewell to Dr. Syed Fasihuddin – 9

Today is the second Friday without Fasih. Fridays are the the toughest, as it was that fateful Friday on 26 June when Fasih was taken away from us. I know Fridays will haunt me rest of my life.

He was in the hospital for 5 days. Thats all. He kept updating in few words about his wellbeing. And kept reassuring us he was fine. A message from ‘Syed’ on the group was the happiest moment Fatima, Ismail and I waited for all the time, especially early in the morning, when he would ask the doctor to give him special favour to allow him to message the family.

I often go back to our family messenger group watch his messages, where Fasihs messages kept coming from hospital till he was in ICU but not ventilated.
To all his visitors who went to see him from the glass window he waved a thumbs up.
Mazhar messaged Fatima, “Bobby chachoo is a fighter he is facing it with courage and positivity. And he will sail through.”

Fasih was fortunate to have been given a state of the art care that followed WHO protocol. He was one of the rare in Pakistan, who even recievd Remdesivir. As a healthprofessional and a wife myself, a million details arise in my mind, knowing how involved Fasih was in his own management.
My heart wrenches imagining the visual image of the moment he must have been intubated.  And the imagination of what conversation must have taken place between an ICU Consultant and a Pulmonologist patient being told that he is going to be intubated, and how must he have agreed to it.
A pulmonologist himself who was known for being the most skilled and famous for performing a super smooth intubation to his patients.
How smooth or not must have been his own intubation?
Once ventilated, with general anaesthesia my man slept peacefully, and his messages to us also fell silent.
Even the moment Kosar Baji called me to say, “Bobby has just had a cardiac arrest and they are giving him DC shock.”
I called Fatima and we both were so sure he will get back the heart beat.
He himself had managed a couple of cardiac arrests as a team where the persons had come back and lived for decades. But nothing worked. 2 DC shocks and 30 min of CPR, all proved in vain. Sigh !

My robust, healthy, superfit husband who had absolutely NO comorbidity had to be ventialted in last 2 days of his life and ventilator which he called a life saver to his own patients, could not save him.
Why? Why? Why?
I know why. It is because of those wretched reckless evils who continued to go for Eid shopping, iftars, eid milans and congregational prayers in mosques. How much of a grudge i hold against them, no one can imagine. I will not forgive them.

Even now, my blood boils seeing shopping centers full, ladies thronging stores for Eid discounts. I will never be able to wish well these shopping and party and congregation obsessed morons, who are making known and unknown doctors, healthworkers sick or dead on a daily basis. For no fault of their own.

There are some other health professionals who I know are going through symptoms currently. Some are waiting to get infected, because as a friend today remarked, “Ultimately we all will get it. Virus is not going anywhere. And people are not getting any sense.”

I am so bitter that honestly I want to tell frontline doctors in places where people and govts are not interested in lockdowns,
“Dear docs bund karo mareez dekhna. Jo merna chahtey hain unko bachane ki kya zaroorat hai? Daffa karo proffessional duty. Apni jaanon ko aisey logon ke liye khatm kerne ka koi faayeda nahin hai.”
Let them taste the medicine of their own doing.
https://www.facebook.com/quraishi.ilmana/posts/3439269086085635

Cherish the Living Angels Around you in their Lifetime !

Some people are probably angels walking on earth as human beings.
Family, close friends, his patients knew Fasih exactly as that even in his life. In my decades of association with him, all I heard about him was finest of accolades and praises. People loved him very dearly in his living life. He was one of these fortunate ones who recived immense love for all his life, and is still recieving outpouring of love.
However this post is not about him.

I just want to reassure the world that there must be many such beautiful people around you who just give, without any expectations of return of favour.
Fasih, Fatima, Ismail and I are blessed to know one more such living angel.
She is more than just a friend, to whom I owe many things.
She was the first person I reached out looking for work, when in Canada, after googling about an organization for women’s health and found “Aurat Health Services”.
In the chilly winter of January 2010, it was heavily snowing and I took a bus to meet its founder and CEO.
An extremely good looking, graceful and extremely polished woman greeted me and the only question she asked me was, “How can I help you?”
She later became my only reference to the job I currently hold for United Way.
How did this association develop into a deep friendship I have no clue.
I don’t even remember if I did anything substantial for her EVERRR….Yes I don’t recall anything.
She has been through a lot, from losing her husband as a newly married 15 day old bride 25 years ago in Islamabad after being shot for robbery( and never re-married), to losing her dynamic mother to cancer and then herself going through health issues.
I hardly showed up more than a couple of times to see her ailing mother.
And when she had her surgery, I called her I will come, but just forgot to visit. No excuses, just callousness. She NEVER complained.

And on her end, she has always been there uninvited in all our good and bad times- from Fatima’s wedding preps, to some personal health issues, to Ammi’s visit, when Fatima had nomination for Mississauga Arts Council and Fatima couldn’t attend, Samina represented her in abstentia, to the current devastating tragedy at Fasih home.
From day 1 after Fasih’s demise, she has been popping in, to see Ismail and me, sometimes even twice a day to check on us. She loaded the fridge with Ismail’s favourite foods.
And she is not a faarigh(vella) person by-the-way. Much like Fasih was all the time, her hands are always full with responsibilities taken upon voluntarily.
She is an extremely busy professional and also has social responsibilities like ‘ours’. She is a caregiver to her father. I know she has a bunch of friends, who are her daughter, sister and many things to her, and who are with her like her shadow. ( I am not one of them unfortunately).
Yesterday she came in and we chatted about something.
And in the conversation she mentioned, “Mere peeche tou koi rone wala bhi nahin hai.” ( There’s no one there to cry after me.)
My heart sank as she said it by-the-way. But I held my emotions back. After she left, I howled my heart out.
I want to wish her a long long life, longer than mine. But I also want to tell her, you are not alone. You have a bunch of angels surrounding you on this very earth, in this very Mississauga. I am referring to Ala, Farzeen, Saman and the whole beautiful gang.
Samina Talat I want to tell you, Fatima, Ismail are there for Samina Khala, and so am I for my little behn. I’ll try to get better at it.

I am sorry, I did not take permission from her to share this because I know she wouldn’t have given me. But its okay, if you are angry, come home and scream at me whenever you want.

If you guys have such living angels around you cherish them in their lifetimes. Don’t wait for them to go to remember how selfless they were.

Farewell to Dr. Syed Fasihuddin – 8

In 2010 friends in Aman Ki Asha coaxed me to share my experiences as an Indian Pakistani cross border marriage.
The story of our marriage, of an Indian moi to an amazing Pakistani Syed Fasihuddin came to seen by most as an epitome of love and a great example of success. I always shared with honesty the bumpy ride that every marriage endures, especially when there is so much red tape of visas between the two countries.
Not being a Bollywood fan myself, I was in no mood to portray it a Veer Zara filmi story.

Even then I started getting many emails from girls in cross-border relationships especially those brewing on social media.
My advice, then and even now, to everyone was to be extremely cautious of barriers and know the real person well beyond social media, before deciding to take a big plunge into across border matrimony.

Over the years, almost 75% of these relationships fell apart, either for practical.reasons or when they got over the infatuation with time.

To my utter surprise I also came to be told first hand(by at least 5 girls).of how boys across the border were using their relationship to milk money from the girls. In every single case the boys were Pakistani and the girls were Indian.

Why am I writing this now?
Recently a famous Pakistani journalist and twitter activist was arrested for abusing and killing his wife.

About 8 years ago a girl from Delhi who was supposedly dating this guy wrote to me, “Baji how can i send money to someone in Pakistan” she was planning to marry.
She did not share the name or details.
Having already seen a few such cases i got alarmed. I told her, “Have you met him in person?”
She replied, “Baji he is a famous twitter activist.”
I still insisted you meet him first. Then decide.
I never heard back from her till 2 years.

Then she wrote to me 2 years later how she is recovering from the breakup. Because she did not send the money, he wrote back to her telling another story of how his mother is indebted to his Khala and because of that she is forcing him to marry his cousin with disabilities. I gave her a smack on messenger and told her to, “Hosh mein aa jaao. This looks like a drama. I told you first meet him.”
She did not respond to me for a few months.
Then one day she happily messaged me saying I was so right and revealed to me the name of the guy. She then emailed me the evidence. This was the same guy who has been arrested recently for killing his wife and for being a twitter blackmailer.

I did share this with a few close friends, one of whom had been asking me to write a book on India-Pakistan experiences both positive and negative including these social media stories.
In fact one of them was so annoyed that they taunted, “Kabhi mutt likhna ye kitaab, acha? “

When I shared these fraudulent stories with Fasih, and how many girls were infatuated by our story, he would often tease me with his million dollar smile and mild humor, “Tell them you dont find Fasihuddins very common in Pakistan.”
Indeed. Couldnt agree more. 
Not just Pakistan, it is very hard to find such an upright man of values anywhere in the world.

Farewell to Dr. Syed Fasihuddin – 7

Best things come in threes: best friend( & partner) , dreams and memories !

Fasih was with us in March for 2 weeks. Then the airlines shut down as the world went in extreme lock down. He went on to stay with us for 11 weeks, in strict lockdown. It was such a blessing in disguise. Just Fasih, Ismail and myself…Cooking our fav family meals, iftars, cuddling cats, bringing new potted plants as he loved gardening, playing ludo, video games with Ismail, occaisional squash, and daily walks of all three of us across wilderness in Mississauga. We made long drives across Ontario every few days. He would stop at every thing simple or surreal like horses grazing in cold wearing jackets, geeze crossing the road or even a raccoon coming close to our car fearlessly to snap pictures. He enjoyed every bit as we drove alternately. He loved driving, so I let him drive, while I clicked pictures.

I am gathering courage to share this:

A few days ago, after several nights I slept without Clonazepam, and he was there in full form and spirits in the dream.
He was driving as we saw some beautiful fall trees in yellow and red. He told me,
“Begum you drive now. I want to enjoy the scenes.”
I hope he is now in a happy place now and watching upon us.

Everyday I wake up disoriented, shake my head to feel maybe all this was just a bad dream I am waking up to. But it only gets real and more real each new morning.
As we go on with morning coffee, shower, remote meetings with staff at Taj, lunch, phone calls, everything seems to be returning to normal, with crying spells getting less frequent, tears drying up, and I hate it.
I hate it.
I hate it.
What is the point of getting ‘sabr’ when Fatima, Ismail and I have everything but Fasih.

I dont want to trivialize others grief.
My husband’s older sister Syeda-Kosar who was his friend, a fellow proffessional doctor too, and most of all a confidante, is extremely depressed and misses him dearly.
My brothers Hilmi, Subhi and Ammi who cheer me up on phone that “Look how much of a footrint of goodness Fasih has left behind. People dont achieve half as much till their 90s which he did till 59, and quietly left the scene.”, I know cry after putting the phone down.
Its not easy for them and many others either.

And worst of all, its not yet over. I shudder with chills in my spine to imagine, who are next in line to be taken away? From us or from any one else we may not know.

Please keep safe. This virus is an apathetic killer, ruthless life-wrecker. Be very very careful.

Farewell to Dr. Syed Fasihuddin-6

COVID19 is not a mild virus. Its a ruthless destroyer. Those who havent felt it are either super lucky to not have been affected close to home or are simply covidiots.
It kills. It killed my dearest person, a strong sturdy man, in just 3 days. He never ever had even fever, and would climb 12 stories in one breath, without being breathless. There was no comorbidity.
It has killed my two first cousins in India. Finest of people. And three dearest doctor friends of my husband, just in the same month June.
And a few of the loved ones who have been sick and now surviving are going through a very debilitating post covid recovery.
Sometimes it feels as if COVID19 chose to come to us. But I know, it has turned many homes upside down. It has snatched may fine, sincere human beings from their loved ones.
The only ones who seam to survive and thrive are the evil leadership across the globe, who heartlessly pursue ‘open the economy’, ‘smart lockdown’, ‘herd immunity’ devils.

I want the architects of smart lock down in Pakistan @Asad_Umar, @ImranKhanPTI & @ArifAlvi to just spend one month taking vitals of #COVID19 patients in ER, each doing 8hr shifts. Just 30 days in ER.
Then I will ask if they like the mess and life threatening situation they have put the frontline doctors into by their herd immunity stunt.

As a doctor friend who messaged and shared this below asks: ” Covid is taking the finest people away. I haven’t seen a badmash dying of covid. Have you?”

And this includes many doctors too, who are simply paying the price of apathetic leadership and callous masses.

Farewell to Dr. Syed Fasihuddin- 5

Ever since Fasih had started developing bodyache and slight fever and he had isolated himself for safety of others, both Fasih and I were in constant touch with a brilliant doctor who is updating himself on COVID by minute as he also works in a covid ward in one of the major COVID Centres in Karachi.

Throughout my husbands isolation, decision for admission, follow up in HDU then ICU he was my guide.
When he told me on a message, “Madam start preparing for Remdesivir, it takes a long paper work and he needs it asap.” I immediately remembered Shaila Andrabi had mentioned a bhai of hers who had also procured licence to get this wonder drug. So I messaged her in desperation. She messaged Osman Waheed, and I have no idea who he is except that he was the man to go to for Remdesivir.
Shaila sent me his message, “I am going to call Dr. Fasih now”.
I replied, “No Shaila, Fasih is in ICU ask him to call his nephew.”
What 6 days, Remdesivir was available in ICU for Fasih in 6 hours. The drug costs a whopping PKR 98,000 and Osman Waheed refused to take money, as I was later told.
Fasih recieved 3 of the 5 doses before he gave up his battle against COVID.

I was devastated and disoriented. I did not have strength to talk to anyone or get condolences from except very close of kin and friends, for almost till yesterday the 10th day.

Farewell to Dr Syed Fasihuddin- 4

The amount of love, support Fatima, Ismail and I recieved from family, friends, colleagues, Fasih’s patients, acquaintances, virtual friends has been very touching The sincerest grief( am not referring here the usual ritual of condolence) by so so many of you and the genuine feeling of loss of Fasih for them has moved us.
Words cannot thank you enough.

The tender loving care we are receiving has restored our tremendous faith in humanity. Fasih and I both were always huge believers that there are always good people who keep the world going.
But he had a bigger belief in goodness of people. I would always ask him, “Why do you always end up discovering good people around you and he would say, “Everyone has goodness hidden within them. You just have to shake it gently through your generosity.”
And if someone would act unfair, or nasty despite his generosity, he was unforgiving and tough.
His biggest trigger was telling lies and hypocrisy. He demanded quality work but sincerity and ethics were his bigger benchmarks.

Taj has a staff of 22. And they can be categorized in two sets:
1. Those who are sincere and hard working. They could be making mistakes, but are genuine and honest. They found him compassionate and he would go to any length to take personal care of them.
2. Those who are nasty, cover up their mistakes with lies or took undue advantage of his generosity. To them he was a terror and unforgiving.

Today the first group of staff, is standing by us like a rock, running the organization as per his standards, going extra mile to ensure nothing is missed out.
We are indebted to them forever. They are our Taj family.

Farewell to Dr. Syed Fasihuddin- 3

Whenever giving an example of a person who perfectly balanced duniya(world).and deen( faith), I cannot think of an example better than Fasih.
He did not know or ever try to know what maslak or fiqah he belonged. For him his faith was the 5 pillars of Islam plus “do good to humanity and harm no one.” Period.

As a family we had the fortune to live in Makkah for 20 years, and him for 25 years.
I did not ever see him preach anyone including me on religion but would always remind good deeds were essential part of faith.
How quietly he would slip in the room to pray farz namaz and come out no one would ever realize. I did not see him miss any prayer. And he often joked why he has no prayer mark on his forehead.

Many people asked him he lived in Makkah and still did not sport a beard. He would reply my faith is in my practice and not appearance.
He was a Pulmonolgist in Makkah’s main hospital King Abdul Aziz Hospital in Makkah. He was on 12 hour duty for 15 days on Hajj and would accompany critical patients in ambulance to Arafat and hence perform Hajj defacto with them every single year.

Once he got a call from the office of Imam Haram that the chief Imam of Haram then Abdullah Subayel wants you to see him, as he was not well. Fasih went and examined and brought him to hospital for further treatment. Hence Fasih became his regular Pulmonologist for few years. One day when he visited to see him, the Imam asked, “Is there anything I can do for you?”
Fasih replied, “I want to go inside Khan e Kaaba.”
Imam did not give any reply.
Fasih came home and told me. I whined, “Why didn’t you tell him my wife is looking for a job in xyz hospital.”
Fasih replied, “No. I didn’t want him to regret asking me ‘how can I help’ and prove to him that I am a petty opportunist expat. As such I doubt if he liked my request. And I know you will get the job you are after. Just keep pursuing.”
Fasih kept seeing Imam sb periodically for his chest condition. The topic of Kaaba never came up.

About 3 months later he got a call from a clerk in Haram that on a certain day there is Ghusl e Kaaba and the door will open for wshing of the Kaaba inside. His pass is ready to pick up for the entry after the washing.
And few days later he lined up with very select dignitaries for the tour inside. He prayed and even looked around to inspect what did the interiors look like.
Next year he again got a call, and then next and then next for 17 years. Each year he would go inside and pray 2 rakahs. One year he invited his father in the same season to also give him the opportunity to see. He asked the clerk that this time I will give my pass to my father.
The clerk said, “Ley, hada haram.” (Why this is illegal). And then he gave Fasih a nasty smile.
Before Fasih could even react, he took out another pass and said, “Go inside together.”

In 2013 he packed up a coveted job and his high connections in Makkah to come to Pakistan and complete his dream of Taj Consultants Clinics whose construction was nearing completion in Karachi.

I repeat, I have yet to know anyone who was so much a man of faith yet considered service and good deeds as a bigger blessing that mere rituals.

Each Ramadan Taj Consultant Clinics staff has daily iftar together. Everyone from CEO to the housekeeping boy sit together and eat and then pray Maghreb.
Every staff’s birthday is celebrated from top to bottom with a cake and given birthday gift.
Cake is brought for Christian nurses to cut on Christmas.

In Taj itself he confronted some doctors and staff whose actions contradicted their religious appearance.

One day his young female RMO came crying in his office, “Sir XYZ consultant said I have insulted his faith.”
Fasih asked the details, so she replied she was sitting in her desk in the triage room and door was closed. Suddenly a man in Salwar Kameez with large flowing beard barged into the room banging the door open and said where is the nurse? So I asked him, why did you not knock the room?.
The man replied, “I want nurse. Where is the nurse?”
Doctor replied, “Why did you open the door without knocking? Look at your appearance and look at your behaviour.”
That man replied, “You are insulting my piety. I am a consultant.” And left.
The RMO got so scared, she came to Fasih crying.
Fasih went to the Consultants room and gently asked him “What’s the matter?”
He replied, “Your RMO insulted me on my appearance because I am a maulvi.”
Fasih replied, “Dr Sb how is this an insult to your piety? Should you not have knocked at the door instead of banging the door open? Didn’t Prophet SAW even knock before entering his daughter’s room?”
The consultant didn’t say a word.
Fasih turned back, “And next time first introduce yourself as who you are and why you are looking for the nurse.”
The man had no answer.

Just few months ago a GP who had taken a clinic on rent and was not paying his dues for several months despite reminders from.the Admin. Fasih was at home and he got a call from the guard downstairs that Dr.ABC is smuggling his furniture and stuff out of the building emptying the room late night, planning to run away without paying 3 months rent and other Bill’s.
Fasih first went to his room it was open and vacated. Then he went down and nabbed the doctor, “Tumko sharam nahin aati itni bari darhee rakh ke chori se bhaag rahe ho? “
The doctor threatened, ” Kabardar meri darhi ko kuch mut kehna…”
Fasih, “Guard darwaza lock ker do, ye bhagne na paaye. Mayn police ko phone ker raha huun, ye admi dues diye beghair bhaag raha tha.”
The doctor folded hands and said, “Police mut bulao, mayn payment ker ke apna furniture le jaoonga.”
And Fasih let him do that.

He was a Syed and hence many of his patients from interior Sind would want to touch his feet. He strictly refused and said this does not make him a better individual in the eyes of Allah. To those who insisted, he would actually get angry and threaten not to see them in his clinic.

He would often tell his staff, your quality of work and good deeds are part of your faith. Don’t think just rituals will take you to heavens.

Farewell to Dr. Syed Fasihuddin- 2

Prof M. A. Almani was Fasih’s mentor. It was under his guidance Fasih founded and became the Founder President of the blood bank in Liaqat Medical College, Jamshoro in 4th year of MBBS.
Prof Almani was the first person he took me to meet after I arrived in Karachi, Pakistan after wedding.
Once years later, Fasih walked into the public service commission interview for 18 grade. To Fasihs surprise, Prof Almani was one of the three examiners. He smiled and told the other examiners you ask questions. I have nothing to ask.
In April.2015 he knew who to call as Chief Guest for the inauguration of Taj Consultants Clinics. Ofcourse it couldn’t be anyone but Almani Sb.
Prof M A Almani is in his late 80s now and I dread to imagine how shattered he would be to hear Fasih’s tragic news. 😦

Fasih often shared interesting stories about his blood bank activities.

Once to replenish the blood bank they organized a blood donation camp in a nearby district. They collected many pack when suddenly some local nationalist goons came and threatening to destroy the collected blood with accusation that as non son-of-soil he was collecting their blood to feed some rose garden in Karachi.
Fasih sent message to Prof Almani, who was the Principal of LMC then, and he arrived and stood in front of Fasih angrily saying, “before you touch him and his blood packs spill my blood.”

2 years later,he was doing Housejob in Surgery, during Ramadan with his sister and sister in law he drove after Sehri from Hyderabad to Karachi in an Alto. On the way still closer to Hyderabad they had a near fatal accident with a truck and were rushed to Jamshoro hospital. He had extensive injury in his neck, chest snd right hand. He needed 10 pints of blood. It was the same blood bank which had the plaque on its wall Founder President Syed Fasihuddin who supplied those 10 pints immediately. The in charge of the blood bank started crying. Fasih was bedridden for 6 months had several surgeries. All his right hands tendons were cut and he took almost 5 -6 reconstructive surgeries to put them together. It was after this incident he had to change his choice from surgery to medicine and then pulmonology.

Blood donation was his annual ritual and he took special pride that he was O Positive- a universal donor.

When Fasih got admitted with Covid I did some googling and was so relieved to find that persons with O positive blood group have less complications in COVID19 than any other blood group. Wonder why he still succumbed to the wretched virus.

I echo the sentiments of one of his patients bases in Ohio who wrote on Taj’s page, “He was my and my family’s doctor. I will hate Corona Virus always for one reason- for taking this man away.”

Healthcare Workers Gone in the Line of Service

This portrait is made with the pictures of all the doctors and nurses who passed away so far in COVID 19 Pandemic. You can enlarge and see.
It’s very difficult to be a doctor , very easy to criticize.
Celebrate and hug each other in Heavens you all brave doctors who gave your lives for mankind and wish health and life to your colleagues on Earth who are still working day and night.
#covid19 #doctors