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Learning to ‘Agree to Disagree’

Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.(~Gandhi)

I bet Gandhi said this with me in his mind.

I have yet to find a person with whom I have a total agreement on all issues. No one ever does. The probability of such a person existing may be theoretically possible (though extremely miniscule) but practically, it is IMPOSSIBLE.

I have a family with Hubs and two kids. And an extended family with sibs, parents and in-laws. And then a huge set of real and virtual friends. We all seem to be disagreeing with each other, more than agreeing, on most of the issues.

Many a times I stand alone in disagreement with almost everyone else on the other side.
So what?

Diametrically varying views lead to differences. Differences beget disagreements. Disagreements lead to debates. Debates stretch to hot discussions. Discussions at times lead to dissensions. Dissensions lead to verbal dogfights. Dogfights end up in a drain of energy. Drain of energy for sure.

Gosh! Despite all this, there is a great thrill in differing—agreeing on everything itsy bitsy, tiny miny would be so boring.

Calling other’s opinion ‘wrong’, ‘ignorance’ , ‘denial’, ‘silly’ could be part of humor but if hurled seriously as allegations is just bigotry at its best.

One learns more from the differences than from agreements.( Reference: Gandhi’s above quote!).

What is important is to give due respect and credibility to other’s opinions too. And the debate should be for putting one’s point across instead of the attempt to make others agree to one’s perspective. To be able to get other’s perspective without necessarily agreeing to it is an art one learns through studying ‘logic’.

When certain issues or topics hold a passionate place in one’s heart and mind, it gets even more difficult to maintain ‘sanity’ in discussion. Not being afraid of registering one’s opinion -no matter how ‘odd’ it appears -to the general public around, definitely breeds doubts of ‘cynicism’, ‘eccentricity’ in other’s minds.

But to accept other person’s insanity as normal is an art too.

I have seen this art beautifully put in practice by my exceptionally tolerant husband. The concept of giving a ‘space’ to the other person and to agree to disagree– are two lessons I learned from him. And in fact, keep forgetting and keep relearning them, even till date.

I have tremendous respect for him and for almost everyone else who still consider me ‘worthy’ of a place in their friends list, despite my insane discussions on disagreements.

So notorious are my disagreements that hubs often jokes about my ‘sanity’ if I agree to anything wholeheartedly.

Tell you a secret, even I don’t feel ‘myself ‘ if I get to agree with others viewpoint easily.

Disagreements rock!

Category:

CULTURE, General, Peace, Personal, Politics, Quotes, Social Issues

Gem Parade…

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Gemstones are mysterious things: naturally formed crystalline, geometric bodies with interesting optical properties. Each crystal has a different structure and composition giving it a unique hue and aura.
They are one of the nature’s most wonderful gifts to us.

Mankind associates different gemstones with significance related to the months of birth. We have even created superstitions associated with these beautiful creations of nature.

Interestingly they do not hold any commercial fiscal value as the precious metals like Gold, Silver and Platinum. Once a friend of mine who is very fond of jewelery including gold and gemstones had a robbery in her house. The robber broke into the safe and picked only the gold jewelry, cash and even savings certificates while the gemstones were discretely left behind. She was overjoyed she felt it would have been inconsolable if her exotic painstakingly collected gemstones were stolen. 🙂

Here are the birthstones and their symbolic meanings, for fun sake:

Month — Birthstone– Symbolise
January —garnet— Passion & devotion
February– amethyst— Clarity of thought,
March— aquamarine —courage
April —–diamond—— amplify the thoughts
May—— emerald ——fertility & dreams
June-pearl/moonstone—inspiration& receptivity
July—- ruby —heart & love
August peri-dot —prosperity
September– sapphire —peace & happiness,
October– opal/tourmaline- passion &spontaneity
November- topaz/citrine -confidence & strength
December —turquoise/blue topaz— success

Category:

Art, CULTURE, Earth, General, Personal, Women

Just Memories

The grains of time flow
Thro’ the hourglass
Over to the other side
The past sieves through
Out of sight, buried
Beneath the sand of memories.

As I retain not the past
I reminisce not the pain
I revere just their memories.
I miss not the thrills
I frown not at follies
I cherish just their memories.

I preserve not the laughter,
I foster not the agony,
I treasure just their memories.
I cling not to excitements
I clasp not to regrets
I embrace just their memories.

I nourish not the bitterness
I nurture not the anger
I gather just their memories.
I etch not the differences
I engrave not the grudges
I enshrine just their memories
Time flies, swift and smooth
Seasons change, winds blow
Drifting away, like parachutes
Of the seeds of dandelion.
But all, we can hold onto
Are their stalks,
Of remnant memories.

Yes, just the great memories.

Category:

General, MY POETRY, Poetry

A Veil in the Eyes of Men

As the conservatives and the liberals stay engrossed(for their own reasons) with the banning of Veil in France, I sent in a message to some select non Muslim guys (as they would be more objective) in my friends list to inquire :

What do you think when you see a veiled woman?

( I kept the question open–they could think of the Islamic veil or the Indian veil–it was left to their imagination).

The answers I got in almost 4 hours were fascinating (though qiuite expected). I had heard my own hubby and brothers talk on those lines on occasions…

A veil…

Replies almost instant:

…makes her a mystery that needs to be solved.

…tempts me to find out what lies behind it.

…feels an uncomfortable itch to lift it.

…turns her instantly into a forbidden fruit.

Within 4 hours :

…makes my eyes acquire an X ray wavelength to pierce through the barrier.

…makes all my five senses alert.

…highlights the deep, dark, beautiful eyes and wants to know what else?

…makes her a magnet and me an iron file.

…makes her more sought after.

…makes her look ugly.

…makes my mind join the dots that the eyes could see behind the black screen and make a complete picture.

…makes me give them a second and a third look.

…makes me feel sorry for them.

Two of my friends replied much later”

…There is nothing to see and think about a veiled woman.

…I dont judge her. Its entirely her choice and her culture which needs to be respected.

Looking at the earlier posts, makes me scratch my head: “Is this for which one is told to wear a veil ?”
The following words came about…

A Veil

A Worthless cover
Envelopes me
An illusion
‘Safeguard’.

Exposed, I am
Screaming ‘mystery’
Pitched out there
As tempting
As a Forbidden fruit

A meaningless veil
Feeble and frail,
Nothing it sheilds
But takes off from me,
Who really am I.

Context: The ‘hot’ discussion on Veil ban in France is currently on…

Category:

CULTURE, General, India, Indo-Pak, International, Islam, Pakistan, Personal

Men Are Like…

This is the net summary of the conversation I had with a great school friend living thousands of miles away. He began with the pun on women and then another lady friend joined the conference call and it ended up with pun on men as usual…..

Men are like…

… Blenders.
You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

… Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually are a cause of your migraine.

… Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, and give you insomnia.

... Commercials.
You can’t believe a word they say.

… Computers.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

… Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

… Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.

… Curling Irons.
They’re always hot with rage and trying to straighten your expenditure while shopping.

… Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.

… Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

… Lava Lamps.
Good to look at, but not all that bright.

… Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

… Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

… Popcorn.
They are hollow in the core with swollen ego all around.

… Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters and other Single women

1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.

5. Go for men of any age. Age doesn’t matter- they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same – they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal…

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.

How do men define a “50/50” relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.

What’s the best way to kill a man?
Put a pretty blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.

And the best ones…..

Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.

Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring, sensitive, and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.</ 😀 😀 😀

(P.S.This is not to offend anyone, please. This is just for light humour, not to be taken seriously. Some of my best friends are men–including my husband and son…).

Coutesy: http://www.jokesaboutmen.net/men-joke_six.html

Category:

General, Humour, Personal, Social Issues, Women

Which Color Am I ?

An FB friend Susan Marie presented to me this above pic. And it was really hard to choose which color should I be. Once again my imagination started to run wild and high. And the result were the following words….

Which color am I?

Oh! If I was color red
I would be a rose
Or even a valentine heart
that lives so close
to every loving heart.
Or maybe a coral
Standing in oceans deep
Eversince life took a leap.

Maybe I was green
So live and so living
so refreshing, so giving
Like a new leaf of spring.
Or innocent grasshoppers
That never ever sting.

What if I was a blue
With all it’s shades and hues
So vast as the sky
where birds of imagination fly
So wild and so high.
Or even a sapphire in a ring
Seeing who’s beauty, all would sigh!

I think I would be an orange.
So ‘hot’ and bright
Like the rays of sunlight.
Key to ‘life’ that holds
Or maybe a garland of marigold
With flowers fresh and pure
Making God’s haute couture.

And if I was a yellow
Of the tiny, soft , cuddly chick
Chi chiing, with dozen other fellows.
Or maybe a Topaz stone that sticks
Into a ring, with it’s beauty revealed.
I could even be an endless mustard field.

Wow! I sure should be purple
And violets being my grandeur and glory
With poets wishing to tell my splendid story
Or maybe I was from the Amethyst stock
With other jealous gems turning into a rock.
And I could even be a purple Iris flower
Standing high in a pot, like a proud star.

Yes I think I should be a rainbow
Made up of colors all ‘the noble seven’.
Colors lined up so immaculately in a row.
Stretching from horizon upto the Heaven
And then they all so neatly, mix within me
Standing for PEACE, they turn into a white
Bundled together, as UNITED they would be.
Erasing all the differences, great or slight.

P.S. Thank you again Sue for inciting me to write this 🙂

Category:

Art, General, MY POETRY, Poetry

“The world is beautiful, but has a disease called man”

“The mountains, rivers, earth, grasses, trees, and forests are always emanating a subtle, precious light, day and night, always emanating a subtle, precious sound, demonstrating and expounding to all people the unsurpassed ultimate truth”

“I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability”.
~Oscar Wilde

“There is a sufficiency in the world for man’s need but not for man’s greed.”
~Mohandas Gandhi

“The care of the Earth is our most ancient and most worthy, and after all our most pleasing responsibility. To cherish what remains of it and to foster its renewal is our only hope.”
~Wendell Berry

Category:

Art, Earth, Film, General, International, Peace, Quotes

Dissecting Empathy

Empathy:
1903, translation of Ger. Einfühlung (from ein “in” + Fühlung “feeling”), coined 1858 by Ger. philosopher Rudolf Lotze (1817-81)from Gk. empatheia “passion,” from en- “in” + pathos “feeling

Definitons
“ A complex form of psychological inference in which observation, memory, knowledge, and reasoning are combined to yield insights into the thoughts and feelings of others.”

Saying it simply:
The ability to put oneself into the mental shoes of another person to understand his/her emotions and feelings.~ Alvin Goldman.

What’s the difference?
Sympathy: Oh! I’m so sorry. I wish it never happened.
Emotional Contagion: Oh! Your pain makes me cry too.
Pity: Poor you. You really need to be helped.
EMPATHY: I know exactly how it feels to be in this situation.
Apathy: Who cares? Or just ignore quietly on what happened.

Development of Empathy:

-Feelings of empathy begin normally at the age of 2. Common for toddlers to comfort each other in distress—by hugging, smooching or even by words.
-By the ages of 7 and 12 appear to be naturally inclined to feel empathy for others in pain(.researchers at the University of Chicago who used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI),
-There are three stages of Empathetic Maturity (Olsen, 2001)
Stage 1: Primitive pattern as in toddlers. Not in Adults.
Stage 2: The rationale that empathetic behaviousr is valid for everyone.
Stage 3:Mutuality occurs prior to any judgement about the person’s behaviour.

Why is it that even when empathy is a natural instinct some of us fail to act with empathy?
The extent of empathy varies.
Cognitive empathy: Simply knowing how others feel and what they are going through.
Emotional Empathy:When you actually feel physically within you what others must be feeling as if it was contagious.
Compassionate empathy: The feeling that not only makes us feel their pain but spontaneously moves us to help if need be

Unfortunately most of us are limited to cognitive empathy which  lacks  motivational strength  and  tends  to  be  highly  selective, which in practical terms amounts to apathy in general.

Is empathy exclusively a ‘human trait?

No! All primates, even rodents and dolphis have been studied to have empathy.

Why need empathy
Empathy is the key element in humans to embrace the The Golden Rule (One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself ).
Empathy is the foundation of all Human Rights and the Unity of all mankind..

How to help oneself become more empathetic?
Batson and colleagues investigated the affective consequences of different perspective-taking instructions when participants listened to a story about Katie Banks, a young college student struggling with her life after the death of her parents.This study demonstrated that different instructions had distinct effects on how participants perceived the target’s situation. Notably, participants imagining themselves to be in Katie’s place showed stronger signs of discomfort and personal distress than participants focusing on the target’s responses and feelings (imagine other), or as participants instructed to take on an objective, detached point of view.
Conclusion: Imagine yourself in the situation to feel more motivated and get proactive.

Quote:
The good enough mother, owing to her deep empathy with her infant, reflects in her face his feelings; this is why he sees himself in her face as if in a mirror and finds himself as he sees himself in her. The not good enough mother fails to reflect the infant’s feelings in her face because she is too preoccupied with her own concerns, such as her worries over whether she is doing right by her child, her anxiety that she might fail him.
by,
Bruno Bettelheim (20th century), Austrian-U.S. child psychologist. A Good Enough Parent, ch. 1 (1987).