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Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

Laugh Aloud


Watch this skype laughter chain. Beware, you could end up being the last ring in the chain of laughter…

Some more reminders of what a laugh is: 

*A smile starts on the lips,
A grin spreads to the eyes,
A chuckle comes from the belly
But a good laugh bursts forth from the soul,
Overflows, and bubbles all around.
~Carolyn Birmingham

 


 

HUMANITY has unquestionably one really effective weapon—LAUGHTER.
Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug—push it a little—weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
~ Mark Twain

 

 

The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot,
and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man’s pocket,
because it cut down the doctor’s bills like everything.
~ “Tom Sawyer” by Mark Twain

 



What is laughter?
-It is a form of internal jogging.
-It moves internal organs around.
-It is cheap medicine and enhances respiration.
-It ignites a fire within the pit of the belly.
-It is one mighty scarce thing that heals all hurts.
-It is a spark that ignites and awakens one’s being.
-It is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
-It is God’s hand on the shoulder of a troubled world. 

 

Everyone is so afraid of death, but the real sufis just laugh: nothing tyrannizes their hearts. What strikes the oyster shell does not damage the pearl.” — Mevlana Rumi

Medical benefits of laughter: 



Beware, laughter is soooo very contageous 😀 😀 😀

 

O Bhai Nehra


O’ bhai Ashish Nehra
Tou to bara bewafa thehra

Aakhri over mein lagwa ke chakka
Laga diya India ko haar ka dhakka

Agar ye tamasha phir se dohrayega
To phir tou bhi Kamran ban jayega

Kamran jo bana to bahut pachtayega
Ye Pakistan nahin jo team mein tika reh jayega

Agar ayaa Dhoni bhai ko jalaal
Ek jhatke mein dega team se nikaal

Sachin ne to thee bus jeetne ki thaani
Bechare ki mehnat pe toune pher diya pani.

Agar izzat pyari hai to khelna sambhal ke bhaijan
Warna tou bhi kehlayega Kamran Kamran Kamran.

O’ MY DEAR KAMRAN


O’ my dear Kamran

Each match, each over, each bowl
I want you to catch me
I want you to hold me
I even want you to hug me.
O’ you adorable Kamran

Each time I come near you,
You don’t even stop me
You don’t even look at me
You don’t even attend to me
O’ you hearltess Kamran

Each time I bounce on you
You just push me away
You just look the other way
You just fall the wrong way
O’ you clumsy Kamran

How long will this go on, O’ Kamran?
Will a bowl come when you will stop me from a ‘four’ ?
Will an over come when you will catch me for an ‘out’ ?
Will a match come when you will bail me off for a ‘stump’?
O’ you lazy Kamran.

Forever yours,

With love,

The Poor Ball.

Pakistani Politicians and Appropriate Muhawrey


Nothing defines a culture as distinctly as its language, and the element of language that best encapsulates a society’s values and beliefs is its proverbs and Idioms.
Proverbs are short and pithy sayings that express some traditionally held truth. They are usually metaphorical and often, for the sake of memorability, alliterative.

I love idioms whether in English, Hindi or Urdu.
My fascination for the Hindi and Urdu muhavrey and the comical character that our politicians portray ( in the subcontinent), pushed me from within to come up with some Idioms or proverbs which I feel best suit their personalities.(Pakistani politicians  in this blog)

Some may appear to fit the best with the politician( like the choli-daman ka saath) while others may just be just barely applicable for the sake of it.
My apologies in advance if it hurts anyone’s sensitivities.

Sadar Zardari: Andha baante rewri, murr murr apnono ko dey

PM Gilani: Darya mein reh kar magar se bair ( theek nahin)

Shah Mahmood Qureshi: Ghar ka bhedi Lanka dhaaye

Naheed Khan: Pran jaaye per wachan na jaaye

Amin Fahim: Dil cheez kya hai aap meri jaan lijiye

Nawaz Sharif: Bander ke haath mein Naariyal

Shahbaz Sharif: Unchi dukaan pheeke pakwaan

Musharraf: Rassi jal gai per bal nahin gaya.

Altaf Bhai: Sau sunar ki, ek lohaar ki

Mustafa Kamal: Haath bhar ka chokra, gaz bhar ki jeebh

Peer Saheb Pagara: Apna haath Jagannath

Maulana Fazlur Rehman: Jahan dekhi tawa paraat, wahin guzari saari raat.

Imran Khan: Naach na jaane, aangan tedha

Asfandyar Wali: Dum daba kar bhaagna

Sheikh Rasheed: Dhobi ka kutta, na ghar ka na ghat ka.

Qazi Hussain Ahmed: Lakeer ka faqeer

Zulfiqar Mirza: Thotha chana, baaje ghana

Rehman Malik: Andhon mein kaana raja

Faizia Wahab– Phatta baans

Ejaz Butt: Khane ko Bismillah, kaam ko astaghfirullah

Qaim Ali Shah: Paanch poot, pandrah potey, ab bhi baba ghaas khoday.

 

 

Can’t think for:

Sherry Rehman

Choudhary Shujaat

Firdous Ashiq Awan

Any suggestions are most welcome.

 

While researching the muwrey came across some interesting and new ones. Thought I will share:

Zabardast  ki joroo sab ki dadi, ghareeb ki joroo sab ki bhabhi–rich are powerful while poor are always oppressed.

Aag laga paani ko dauri–first create a problem, then look for its remedy.

Bibi nek bakht, chataank daal do waqt–a patient woman

Ek miyan mauj ka, ek saari fauj ka– might is right.

Jithon di khoti, uthay aan khaloti

O tou ki jaane polliyey majjay, anarkali diyan shanan.

 

Please notice that majority of the Muhawrahs   target  the women.

 

FAKING AS A VALENTINE


I take a daisy in my hand and start plucking its petals one by one–

Valentine’s Day is good, Valentine’s Day is bad, is good, is bad…..
Why?

Despite being a person who holds strong opinions even on trivial issues, I am not able to decide yet if Valentine’s Day is good to celebrate or not.

The young  girl in me, still alive, reminisces the time when my friend, now  husband, used to send  cards and dried roses from across the border, when we barely even heard of this day. So when I could get those roses two decades back, without a Valentine Day around, why cant these young girls now?  At least on the Valentine Day if not everyday.

It isn’t a harmful day anyways, if one listens a bit less to one’s grey matter while listening to one’s ‘dil ki awaaz’.  It doesn’t tell you to hate or kill anyone.

After-all,  in this world loaded with hopelessness, despondency and  uncertainty, the youth have so many insecurities these days. Hence, if they get one day even to blow their tops off with celebrations in the name of love, let them.

Tomorrow again it will be business as usual for them too.

Only if it hadn’t gone as commercial as it currently is–but then what else has not gone commercial–be it Eids, Ramadans, Milads and  even Muharrams when people get made a wardrobe  full of black dresses to wear during the 40 days of mourning.

How I wish that people did not confuse ‘lovefrom lustwhich is so selfish and pervert–exactly the opposite of what love is meant to be–selfless and pure .

But on the other hand, when one sees  those numerous ads, of not just the innocent flowers, teddy bears or chocolates but of the products trying to boost one’s libido ahead of Valentine’s Day or even of those  contraceptives–it feels sickening.  As if those in need of this stuff wait for this single day  out of  all 365days  in an year.

Hence I feel guilty of corroborating with the misdirected purpose of the day, and not vehemently opposing it  with the loud mouth that I have.

There has also been research that if on one hand Valentine’s Day brings a tsunami of love amongst many, it erupts a volcano of dormant emotions in those who have either lost their loved ones, or were ditched by them or even those who never found their true love.

Valentine Day blues are real, not imaginary.

Yesterday I visited a seniors residence (an  old home) in Mississauga to get the first hand feel of both these emotions.

The place was being bedecked in red frills, and balloons everywhere.  It was a pleasurable sight  to witness how enthusiastic some elderly( in their 80s)  and the very elderly  ( in their  90s or beyond) were about the Valentine Day. The zest with which they cleaned their rooms, and the gleam of youth in their eyes as they  took out  their best clothes to be ironed,  even the most  emotionally challenged could not miss.

But at the same time I was extremely pained to see the tearful emptiness in the eyes of a wheel chair bound woman who said her husband has passed away very recently and she has no Valentine now.

She is not alone. There must be millions all round the globe today feeling miserable, unlucky, left out, unwanted, unloved or whatever their depressed emotions would make them feel.

Joining  in gloom, many young girls will fake and send themselves cards, chocolates or red roses to showoff to their friends what a ‘secret’ Valentine they are to ‘someone’ ‘somewhere’.

I do not feel sad for them, I feel helpless.

What if we could rise above our selfish love and make this feeling of ‘loved’ and ‘wanted’ so universal and selfless.

“When young girls can be innovative enough to fake Valentines Day for themselves, cant we just fake it for others too? ”  Came the flash in my head as I was attending a meeting of an  organization in this above mentioned ‘old home’s conference hall.

From that point in the meeting, I knew not  what did they discuss –as there was another meeting progressing  in my head.

As we finished, I approached the reception desk of the residence and asked the lady there if she had an idea, how many here would not be having any visitors or will not celebrate the Valentine Day.

After some reservation,  and some explanation from me, she came up with a figure of about twenty or so elderly who have no visiting appointments booked for the day. I discussed a plan with her, which after a phone call from her Manager, she readily agreed to.

I rushed home in excitement and asked my husband for a deal–that instead of buying a bunch of beautiful red roses and shoving them into a flower vase in our living room and let it sit there till the last flower dries, we shall buy two dozen rose buds and as many chocolates and visit the ‘residential’ place in the evening to fake as Valentines for those who have no visitors.

And to make sure that none of those elders get overwhelmed and get a wrong message, we shall go together–my husband and me–to give them the roses and chocolates.

At least they will smile and feel wanted, be it for a few minutes.  And hopefully the ‘feel good’ feeling will last as long as it will take the rose buds to dry in their vases.

I do not know how much of Valentine Day celebration is haram in my faith but I know that as part of our faith we are allowed to lie on three occasions–and one of them being when you want to please your loved one.

So today all these elderly men and women will have my husband and me as their Valentine. And we will  ‘fake’  love to just please them.

In this world of recession and promotions,  they will get a great deal–

BUY ONE VALENTINE,  GET ANOTHER FREE ! 🙂

TRAVELLING PIA THE DESI STYLE


The moment one stands at the counter to check-in with the PIA ‘amla’ at any airport in the world, one gets the’ home coming’ vibes. The check-in may not be as orderly, the flight may be overbooked, delayed, or God knows what unforeseen might happen, but the badnaam-e-zamana PIA carries its own notorious charm–at least to me.
Seven starish chic airlines of the Middle East are too luxurious to exude a raw charm, and the modest, low budgeted Canadian four star carrier is boringly efficient.

So, go  East or West, PIA is the best.

Many of my compatriots living abroad don’t get the weirdness of my preference for PIA.

There’s an  emergency, and with  a short notice of barely a week to reach Karachi–I got a ticket booked on PIA.

Checking in and boarding the plane were uneventful. I took my boarding pass and fetched for my seat no. 25B. Happy that the counter person had obliged me with a seat in one of the front rows. I land on my seat, only  to find that it’s a middle seat with two over sized feudal looking gentlemen well seated on both sides. None of them were willing to give up either the window or the aisle seat to place me at the side. Not that I am a Miss World or Miss Petite etc but imagine a 15  hour journey in that tiny middle seat between the two of them where barely one cannot move one’s elbows beyond 30 degrees.

I threw my bag and jacket in the seat as they scanned unabashedly, the middle aged lady who was going to be their immediate neighbor. What if there was a petite young lass instead, what would be the frequency and wavelength of their X ray eyes, I wondered. ( By the way this scanning is the prerogative of our desi men–considered highly impolite in the rest of the world).

My desiness ( which actually never leaves me) springs into action. I requested the passing-by purser in shusta urdu, giving him reference of the famous ex Hockey Olympian Station Manager of some other city,  and of how he always got us  ‘good’ seats, convincing him to help me here.

He reassured, ‘Baji wait till everyone settles down.”

Finally after few negotiations in a packed flight, he tried,  failed and  gave up. But then again, on my begging, he took  up the challenge,and finally managed to get me a 3 seater shared with another lady.

And thus I got reassured, that despite a couple of years in Canada, my desi nepotism skills remained intact.

The two of us ladies made another deal, desi style. She was tired and the journey was  too long, so we decide we will take turns to stretch full length and  sleep. The other will either walk on the aisle or sit huddled in the corner of the seat. It was first her turn to lie down on the whole seat and sleep. In the meantime, I preferred to walk  on the aisle,  reading a book on Dreams.

After a  good nap of 4 hours, she happily got up and handed  over the seat with the  “ ab ye seat aapki hui’    expression.

Without delay, I wrapped myself up in the blanket and stretched  myself exactly the way we used to stretch ourselves  while sleeping on a train’s berth when kids. Barely half an hour had passed and the announcement called for a doctor on board. Before the desi me could even think of faking sleep and preferring to stay away, the doc in me sprung  up in a reflex action.

I  found myself  standing along with two other docs in front of a middle aged lady–very pale, cold and clammy not responding to our shouts. On pinching, she barely opened her eyes but  fell back unconscious, again. There was no pulse, but her fast breathing gave us a little relief and a hope of life .The BP too was unrecordable. The senior-most of us docs took the lead while the two of us  followed  his orders and managed her with the necessary steps. While she lay down on the aisle,  I knelt down to check her.

Whatever equipment needed was readily made available by the crew. With some first aid and medications, her pulse and BP seemed to return and she became more responsive, though was still extremely dizzy, sweating and anxious.

The Captain called one of us to to brief him of the situation,  and  asked  if there was the need to make an emergency landing  for her care. But the passenger being stable, now,  and unaccompanied–the consensus was reached that we, doctors,  will monitor her every  half hourly for the remaining  7 hours and act according  to her condition. Being the same gender as hers, I got the  responsibility to monitor her closely for the rest of the journey.

I offered  my 3 seater bed for her to lie down.
And so for sure was gone my turn to enjoy the luxurious PIA bed nap.

Jee haan, ab kaisa sona, kahan ki neend. I was officially on duty.

How much had I thought before embarking on the journey, of  a carefree  8 hour sleep on board, which I barely get any day at home. God must have definitely laughed at me  on my plans, then.

Well no regrets. It was for a noble cause.

As I settled down on a seated adjacent to my patient , many a souls came inquiring about her well being. I must have repeated the same description a dozen times in 30 min. There is no pun in it–this is the beauty and simplicity of our people–no matter how much our circumstances have made us ‘beyhiss’ (apathetic), we shed all our shells and cocoons when in such situations.

As the half hourly monitoring went on, so did the networking with the fellow passengers who trickled one by one to inquire about her well being.

A lady who runs a chain of 5 up-class Desi restaurants and banquet halls in Mississauga, offered her card and gave a life long offer of discounts in her outlets. Another with a boutique and who was traveling to Pakistan for getting the latest stock, offered her dresses at the minimum profit.

Yet another, a very simple lady, came up hesitantly with the presumption that being a doc I must be having some good contacts, and that she was  on a look out for some ‘really’ good girls for rishta for her ‘extremely ‘ good looking sharif son.

A gentleman came up to ask for measuring his BP and though I was not qualified to start a clinic in the air, the medico in me did not have the will to say no. And then two more asked for the same in exchange of their visiting cards and offered  their services in Canada.

Another elderly frail lady requested me to give her the insulin injection before her meals. To my fears for any ‘reaction’ she retorted, “So what ? I f it is written to die, I will die. Why will you be blamed?”

Respecting the strength in her conviction, I had no choice but to oblige, knowing very well that if any unforeseen happened, my degree would be at stake.

And the passing pursers–unfailingly gave each time  “Dr sahiba kuch lengee?”   offers.

The best hot and well brewed chai I ever had on any air travel was that day–from the stock of tea that the crew makes for itself during such long travels. Not once but maybe half a dozen times did I gulp that delicious tea down my ‘networking’ throat.

God knows how but an environment of concern built up in the flight.

It looked as if wave of empathy had spread faster than the wild fire of Tasmania. Everyone was so enthusiastic to help, not only the unwell lady, but any one who was in need.

I noticed many a neighbors offering  to carry the crying babies and strolled  them on the aisle while their moms got some some respite and some nap.

With regular monitoring and First-aid, as her pulse and BP rosee slowly and steadily, she became well enough to speak and respond to questions.

The whole plane wore smiles when she sat  up to take some sips of fluids. And thankfully the need to make an emergency landing vaned.  The crew members beamed in triumph and the message of her wellness was flashed to the Captain. And the Captain responded back with an  the announcement amidst cheers.

As I got ready to pack up for arrival at KHI  and bid farewell to the patient–she shoved her visiting card and asked for mine,  to invite to her sons wedding some months later in Canada and with a promise of a life long friendship..

Where else but PIA would one enjoy this desi networking? By that time I was  richer by at least a dozen and a half contacts and their visiting cards.

Every minute on board was packed with desi  thrill.

We all looked like a family–no one questioned anyone’s faith or sect or province, while helping or talking. I even saw some other fellow passengers exchanging their contact details. with the

How I wish, and I can only wish,  we embark on a similiar journey in Pakistan too where everyone helps everyone else without worrying about his faith or allegiance.

The plane landed at Karachi,  and we all departed with hugs, khuda hafizs and promises from some to stay in touch.

I walk down with speed across the placards at the exit of the tube. As I walked  past them to reach the immigration queue, a lady passenger came up to inform that there was a placard with my name too.

Yes, my PR gifted husband had used his desi ‘right ‘ connections at the airport to expedite my exit–in a true desi style. As if I had to catch a train in next few minutes.

The escort not only asked for my passport but also offered to carry my hand luggage, much to my embarrassment. More so because there, more than half the crowd’s glaring eyes were watching what was going on.

Finally in a typical desi style I was  whisked through the immigration at a supersonic speed , getting  the baggage form the belt, rushing  past the custom officers without any check even of the luggage tags.

I was really embarrassed and guilt ridden , but then there is a desi thrill in this VIP act too. And within minutes I was at the exit gates.

Before the exit, I turned back to find  a few hands waving Khuda Hafiz from far behind.

While I reciprocated to their waving with as much enthusiasm, I remembered  the take away message , a lecturer in  one of the social business  gave some years ago:

In order to be successful in this field one needs to be ‘people rich’ rather than money rich or mind rich.

His lesson seemed to make sense now.

VEENA BEHN YOU ARE NOT ‘ME’


VEENA MALIK VEENA MALIK VEENA MALIK

Everywhere you turn, is the name of Veena Malik.

I close my eyes and your image flashes..
I slept last night and I dreamt of you.
Oh Veena you have captured my heart and mind like no one ever did before.

Yes you are a smart and a talented girl. I was a fan of your acting and mimicry in the HUM SUB UMEED SE HAIN when you hosted the show.You carried the roles of almost anyone from Benazir, to Kashmala Tariq to Fridous Awan to a two plait juniour school girl with such awesome accuracy.
When you left the show I missed you. I did not enjoy the show for weeks after that with the new anchor.

When you had your the affair with Asif, the alleged marriage and then the breakup–I didnt gossip about it . For it was your personal life . None of my business. Exactly the way it is none of anybody’s business to know about my personal life.
I really felt sorry for you when you split with Asif and you narrated your tragedy of abuse and your finanacial help to a broke Asif, even when you were ridiculed. And you know all those cricket loving guys turned against you and called you millions of names. Yes they were such immature  to take Asif’s side. None of them knew what was the inside truth in it. Your story was right or wrong, was none of my business.  For I looked at you only as an actress and Asif as a cricketer who got wickets for the team.  Nothing more nothing less.

And yes when the news came that you and Ali Saleem were selected for the BigBoss, I just heard it one minute and forgot it the next.  Not because I was jealous but because I have different priorities. I dont watch such shows. Yes you do such shows or millions watch them. It’s their choice.  None of my business to judge you or anyone.

What ever you did on the show–I just heard off and on, and sometimes stalked the link to check–people frowned at you and raised their eyebrows on your morality. Yes these people have small minds.  But to me it didnt matter. You are a showbiz girl. Showbiz is your bread and butter. I know, you have a huge family if unmarried sisters and a brother to feed.
Kudos, to you for being a ‘man’ of your family.
You seek publicity. People call it cheap publicity. Sometimes I also blurt out such unethical words. I’m sorry for that. I need not judge you. You only know how hard it is to survive in a competitive world,  that too of showbiz.  You only face the hardships that any woman has to face in an industry where a  woman is taken as a selling commodity.

You survived long in the show. Whatever method you used was your business. You had to do it and you had every right to choose how you survuved. If you flirted with whoever that tall guy was, you did it with yourself. You did not push me to sit in his lap. Those who called this haram –they are bigots and idiots. You will be answerable for   your deeds in the grave. They may not be sitting in some ones lap doing haram but they take bribes, tell lies and most of all bitch about you–it lis like they are eating the meat of their dead brother. They too will be questioned in their grave.

They gave you fatwas and fb pages erupted asking to not allow you to come to Pakistan–but you came.
Bravo. You are not a coward. You are a brave girl. You are a son to your mom. I commend her.

You came on the Kamran Shahid’s show . The clean shaven ‘God fearing’ anchor and the unkemptly bearded Mullah  both  interrogated you about your ordeal. You answered to the best of your aptitiude. Some blogger said you looked sexy–well he is an ass, you did not come there for glamour. You came to clarify yourself.

The mullah and KS asked you all kinds of stuppidd questions and emotionally blackmailed you for Pakistan or Islam. But MashAllah, you are so honest, you shut up those arguments by saying you represented you not  Pakistan not  Islam. You said in so many words that  you went there with your own agenda. Yes Allah  rewards honest and punishes the hypocrats. You definitely are not a hypocrat.

Yes it is first you and your family to be fed. If you are well fed then only can you love your country or your faith. Singing Qaumi Tarana  or  reciting Surah Rehman will not give you and your family the basic needs of food, shelter and clothing. If you have no money,  no Mullah or no Pakistani  patriot will bring food for you for free.  So it is no one’s business to judge you from the Islamic or Pakistani angle. You never took refuge with  anyone to save you. You never begged anyone to give you money. Instead you gave sooo much money to Asif that he couldnt even digest  it and hence puked it on your relationship.

When you could not bear no more you cried and screamed.  As a woman I did not like it.  A strong woman neither cries nor screams to put her views across. A strong woman makes others cry, instead.  Yes next time they make you cry, you make them cry in return.  But then it was you not me. I shouldnt have judged you again.

Yes I pity you for what hue and cry is going on about you. And the mullah with or without beards,  are crying fowl for you. But these bigots and Mullah, they are a pain for everyone, not just for you.   And these Fatwas are a peice of crap.  Allah doesn’t get pleased by such Fatwas.  This is their thriving business you see. So please dont give a hoot to these Fatwas.

These religious bigots  killed Taseer recently, they are after Sherry Rehman, they call Asma Jehangir all kinds of names. They hate Beena Sarwar for her values.Yeah, they even killed Benazir. They were the ones who hanged Bhutto too. They even killed Gandhi in India, yaar.  We are fighting them since years. We have to go on fighting them. Good you are taking them head on . I like it. Keep it up.

But then Veena you are so lucky, so many people have fallen in love with you. Girls dream of at least one person falling in love with them, and you have so many. Maa, you’re a lucky girl. I know you are getting so many SMSs with their love notes. Save them for life in the hard disk. They come pretty handy when you feel low for some other reason in you later life.

But Veena I have one issue with you.  No no, not with  you but with  all those enlightened chocolate hearts in which you have made a permanent home. They are so overwhelmed by you and your bravery that they see Veena Malik in every woman. Yes they see Veena Malik in me too.

But ‘m sorry. You are you and me is me.  And every woman in Pakistan is ‘SHE’ herself.  Everyone has her own story. Everyone has her own modus operandi to survive.

Please tell all your beloveds– I know you have many among the cleanshaven guys and hijabless gals– to please spare me and my other Pakistani sisters.

You have been fortunate to get fame, name, money, Asif, even sympathy.

Many many million of my sisters here dont get even a proper two full meals because their brothers are fed first.

You enjoyed such wonderful Indian cuisines in  the Bigboss.

They dont go to school because they have to look after their sibs. They cant even step out of the house.

You went all the way to Bombay, India to do Big boss.

No one asks them when they are married off to older men, whether they love the groom or  not.

You got married to your love  Asif by your choice and then you split,  then you will marry again by your choice ( Oh! now you have a huge choice).

No one comes to their rescue when they are beaten by their husbands, brothers, or fathers.

You got such overwhelming love and hearts melted  when the Mullah or Kamran just talked to you so rudely.

If my poor sisters oppose their parents or dont obey them they get killed in the name of  honour.

If you will get such threats you will fly back to India fast and be safe.

Nobody loves them, not even their fathers, brothers or husbands.

And you have sooo maaannnyyy beloveds.

So, Veena did you see now, there is no comparison between you and them.
You are you. They are they. Me is me.
We all have different stories . We all have different journeys.

Please tell these beloveds of yours, in whose chocolate hearts you reside, not to tag you to those poor women.
I know you are not doing this yourself.  But these silly infatuated souls, their love for you is blind. So they tag you with every woman of Pakistan. They are immature you  see. They arent grown up yet. But you are pretty grown up I know.

I understand their sentiments, but you see Veena, my poor sisters feel depressed that their plight is underestimated by comparison to you. Their issues are far more serious and deeper than yours. They have a tough day to day struggle of their survival.

Thank your stars for that. You are born luckier than them.

But then they have to live their fate and fight for their existence  far more hard. Their road of life is far far more rocky and their journey far too long.

Please I tell you to make a humble request to your  admirers,  from my behalf to untag my poor sisters of you.

If your status is sky their status is the bottom of a deep pit on this earth. You are far more fortunate.

You are you. They are they. Me is me.
So please tell your beloveds to untag you from my really oppressed sisters  for good.

Let us not mix the two struggles and entangle or  complicate the situation.

I love you too , Veena.
But behn you are not ‘me’.

Ilmana Fasih

P.S. This is written in light of the various articles and blogs that came up with valid sympathies for Veena`s moral policing. But am afraid they all went over board in linking her individual struggle to the struggle of millions of oppressed women of Pakistan. And that just because she screamed at the Mullahs on the TV she came to be the Champion of the Oppressed women en masse when she made it aptly clear that she is fighting for herself not as a Pakistani or as a Muslim.Yes she has every right to fight her battle the way she likes. To link her to the oppressed women of Pakistan in general is as deplorable as our Mullahs link each or our action to Islam or Pakistaniat.

We do not need Veena`s crutches  to fight for our liberal values–aptly said by Ali Naushad.

Bottom line: Some people are born oppressed, some get oppressed later, some have Oppression thrust upon themselves.

SORRY! FRIEND IF MY EYES ENGULFED YOUR HAIR.


Face book is such a wonderful time machine. Time and again I have gone back to various eras of my days gone by just to realise that I have such crystal clear memories saved in the hard disk of my frontal cortex from the past -whether remote or recent.

Just recently I came across an old photo from the Kashmir days put up by one such dear friend.

Oh those Kashmir days! They merit a full post of its own, which I shall complete narrating soon.

But today I wish to share a beautiful story from my Kashmir days ( 1970-78) but with a difference that it does not have that ‘happy ending’ that one would expect from a Bollywood movie shot in the beautiful environs of Kashmir Valley.

About less than 24 hours ago, a friend from the same Kashmir days revealed how I used to terrorise him. I wondered for a second.

YES, he certainly is exaggerating, but NO, there is some grain of truth in it too.

I remember being very playful and naughty as a child. Bold and loud mouth that I had been all my life, despite several resolutions and attempts to soften down a bit. But to no avail. Time hasn’t been the best healers for my ailment of speaking my heart out.

Well he has every legitimate reason to call me a ‘terrorist’ now. The reason will become obvious by the end of this note.

Poor fellow that he was, because he had become the butt of my teasing and the target of the roving eyes of two of my other friends in the neighborhood. But wait, he certainly wasn’t that poor either–with such perfect good looks and flawless pink complexion that he made us average looking girls envious of him. Not only was he such a looker, he was a shy, blushing kinds and we enjoyed teasing him for one lame reason or the other. Just the sight of us and the realisation that we were up to some pranks, would turn him into a red hot pepper.

God had really taken some extra time to create him. Not just those looks, he had the best lock of hair I have yet to see in four and a half decades of my life. And as if this wasn’t enough, he carried those locks with such utmost grace that we girls were put to shame by our unkempt hairdos. The way those silky locks would slip over his forehead covering half his face and then he flicked them back with his hand and a head jerk was a sight, which only the lucky ones like us had the pleasure of witnessing.
It’s hard to put the pixels of the real picture through words. And am not exaggerating even an iota, I can  furnish the proof of his flawlessness through his picture too.

He knew he was the target of our roving microscopic eyes. My friend (name with held) had a crush on him (imagine we were barely 12 at the time) and she loved talking about him. We talked about his hair and copied his hairdo in front of the mirror and then flicked it back with a head jerk exactly the way he did it in real life, almost every five minutes.

My friend was too ‘serious’ about him to even laugh when I made the ditto mimicry of his hairdo and the action associated with it. And then there was a third girl in the group who had some extra loyalty to this bhaiya of hers and always frowned at me for having made fun of him.
Oh those lovely days!

This whole secret had laid buried deep inside my heart for all those 32 years and it was just a 24 hours ago that I shared this story with this erstwhile good looking friend of ours from Kashmir.

But what an irony?

I could not believe my eyes when I saw his current profile picture -the fellow who I remembered with best lock of hair in the world– has none left over his scalp any more. Yes, I mean it. None at all. Not even one strand.

Gosh! This means God had second thoughts after bestowing this lucky guy with that ‘best lock of hair’ in the world.

It was such an anticlimax and my image of this ‘goldilock guy’ came down with a loud THUD.
Time is such a terrible player.

How cruel of you God!

Or is it my ‘black eye’ that engulfed his hair.
Sure if that’s the case, I admit being a ‘terrorist’ in his eyes.

I have been wondering this since the last 24 hours….

Ilmana Fasih
19 Jan 2011

OH! THE CRACKPOTS


Read this *Chinese Wisdom*  years ago, and was reminded again today by a Filipino friend’s email.

 

Once upon a time there was a very old woman who lived in a remote village in China. She use to go to a far off stream to fetch water in her two earthen pots. One of her pots was perfect while the other had a crack in it.

Everyday when she brought water from the stream it would leak from the crack in the second pot and by the time she reached home there were only one and a half pots full of water in them.
She went on with the same routine for years without any change.

The perfect pot felt proud of itself for being flawless.
However the cracked one was ashamed of its imperfection as it could only accomplish half of what it was meant to.

After years of feeling guilty, the cracked pot one day gathered courage and while the old lady was filling it up with water, it begged sorry to the lady mentioning about its flaw and how it betrayed the old woman.

The old lady smiled  and said, “I have been aware of your flaw all along,  and did you not notice that I had sown the  seeds of flowering plants on your side of the path,  all through.  And when you leaked water on the way,  those seeds got irrigated,  the plants grew and now there are flowers blooming in them.  Thanks to you,  my leaky pot.”

And she told the cracked pot how much of  ‘fragrance’  and  ‘color’  have those beautiful flowers brought in her life.

“If it wasnt for you, there wouldnt be these  ‘flowers’  in my life.”

The cracked pot continued to leak , and drenched her as she hugged  the sad cracked pot,  affectionately.

The cracked pot smiled back,  with a deep sigh of relief.

 

Morals of the Story:

Each of us has our own crack  and  flaw or even cracks and flaws.

These cracks or flaws  make us unique, interesting and rewarding in one way or the other.

We need to accept not only our cracks,  but the cracks in others as they are,  and find good in them.

And yes…. we must also remember to see and smell the flowers on ‘our’  side of the path.

Always…

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OH GETTING THE MEN IN MY LIFE TO RELISH VEGGIES!


I have yet to find a yet more daunting task than to get the two men in my life and my home  to enjoy the vegetables that sit on my dining table.

Right from the creases on their foreheads when the news spreads outside the kitchen that veggies are on the menu card that day, to the whole process of cooking and then laying it on the table is what I call a ‘domestic Jihad’.

Suddenly a much cooperative and mild husband turns into an embodiment of a mean ‘zaalim shohar’ and a son into a ‘chauvinist ruffian at their mere sight , what to talk of the tasting act.

The 20 year old DRAMA gets enacted each time with the ditto dialogues—

ACT One

““I don’t mind aloos and bhindis. But this stuff—no, no doctor ne mana kiya hai sabzi khaane se.”” That says a man who is himself playing doctor, doctor since past 25 years.
And then my typical jala bhuna dialogue—“ Haan haan, when the coronary arteries will get 60% blocked, doctors will reverse the veggies restriction”.

ACT One ends.

For years I took this as a welcome opportunity to flaunt my hubby of his Pakistaniat and the love for Niharis, Haleem or infact anything that had the ‘animal protein’ in it. I even got mean at times like a typical nagging wife to accuse that only if his mom had insisted on him to eat veggies, I wouldn’t be suffering today. And he left no chance to retort at us ‘miskeen Indians’ for having been raised on sabzis like ‘bakris’.

Who knew that God was watching us too.  And HE decided to send me a son who is a replica of his dad when preference of veggies are concerned. More scornful and even more frowning is his face at the sight of them than was of his father in his prime years.

And adding fuel to the fire—anytime he scorns at the veggies my husband gives me a nasty smile which speaks volumes of his “A Musa for the firaun in me”  disdain. But am too smart to even take notice of his smile and cleverly act dumb to his expressions.

And then continues the ACT Two of the age old drama—

“If you wont eat veggies your wife will accuse your mom of not having taught her son to eat healthy”, remarks my husband

Now both my son and I act dumb.

In fact my son gives his Dad a look which speaks of –“Look who’s talking.”

Thankfully as the husband enters the fold of middle age—he seems to have softened down over his anti veggie stance and now eats some more veg- things quietly, and I too act as if I haven’t noticed , just thanking my God and my perseverance for it.

However, the son is at his peak of the anti veggie stance. But the difference is that he does not openly accept his hatred for the veggies like the dad used to and claims he eats salads—‘which are fresher and healthier than cooked veggies’. And that, ‘they preserve their vitamins more and in the cooked ones the vits are destroyed’.

Fair enough—he isn’t absolutely inaccurate but then time and again I keep introspecting why is it that men naturally don’t prefer veggies than women. My husband claims that it is the muscle mass in men which compels then to take “high quality protein” which only animal protein can supply. How far is this scientifically correct—only research can prove.

Every quarrel at the table with my son on veggies makes me keep brooding for hours as to how can mums get their sons to relish the sabzis.

What is the secret formula?

Or who are those men who enjoy veggies over non veg.

At least in my surroundings and upto third-cousins—I have yet to find one.

Even my supposedly ‘miskeen Indian” kins are all carnivores leave aside being omnivores.

Hard brainstorming has made me reach a wild guess that it is the taste that needs to be correct.

And the taste in any food lies in how it is prepared. Our problem amongst muslim households (whether Pakistani or Indians ) is we cook vegetables like gosht—with lots of spices and making it mushy.

Why is it that the same anti-veggie son of mine takes away all the veggies while eating, but when he gets to eat Chinese food—he chews down every bit, be what—lettuce, carrots, pepper, brocolli etc.

The secret perhaps is that —it is just cooked—and maintains the crunchy feel of the veggies. And then the original flavour of each veggie is not killed by the loads of spicy curry powder that goes with it in our usual meal.

Cabbage, carrots, peppers, onions in their visible form over a pizza or a pasta go almost unnoticed by my men. But if comes a desi sabzi—they don’t even bear to look at it.
Innovative cooking and a few tricks, can do wonders in getting the men in your family swallow veggies.

When cooking any of the above mentioned stuff I try to add as many veggies as possible so that they will end up being consumed. I even try to piece the veggies in Pasta so tiny that taking out becomes a harder exercise than to swallow it down the throat.

As for the logic that kids should be trained from the early age to eat veggies, has failed miserably in my household. Except for French fries there were no veggies that my son would look at even instinctively. I wonder if this is due to some fault in my weaning of my baby or is it the general norm in most house holds—I have yet to explore.

Yes, one thing worked wonders for my son and that was the example of the cartoon Popeye, the sailor man, who made my son happily eat spinach till he was naive—the day he became cunning—he started questioning the taste of the same erstwhile delicious spinach. And despite millions of viewings of the Popeye cartoons during the feeding time of my son—here I am back to ‘square one’ with absolutely no liking for the ‘green mess’ which my son calls the spinach.

A son who I proudly call an ‘exceptional’ one because of his strong views against drugs, smoking and even fizzy drinks at the age of 17.

But alas, can’t convince him to love veggies.

Any new ideas? Please, I am in dire need of ‘em…

ILMANA FASIH

21 July 2009