Sometimes even I am surprised at my capacity to endure Fasih’s loss without throwing tantrums. But then, the one who patiently endured my whining has quietly himself slipped away from the scene.
Culturally we are a community that believes in demonstrating our pains and pleasures loudly. But if the pain is beyond one’s capacity to bear, one loses the energy to express it aloud.
Many people who have met me in person, have remarked on my composure in the midst of all the turmoil of loss and relocation. If only I could bare open the 4 chambers of my heart, in some physical form to show it’s not all hunky-dory within. True, breakdowns have been few and getting even fewer, but it certainly is no measure of one’s intensity of pain. Probably it only represents extreme helplessness.
Let me admit, composure with self is a byproduct of extreme helplessness. Composure with near & dear ones is pure love. Composure with the rest is because the pain is too personal to broadcast aloud.
This time visiting Fasih, I smiled and whispered to him, “It’s okay Babloo, all I wish is that you are in peace and utmost happiness in the hereafter. I will not whine by your grave.” It’s funny, how just saying that I wont whine or annoy him anymore made me cry.
Fasih, Abdullah, Ismail all followed the script given by Fatima of Navy Blue suits. She was wearing grey and blue herself.
It was tough for me to find a blue saree in Karachi. Nevertheless Fatima and I went round but nothing seemed to click. So I had a flash. I dug up an old bananasi saree, that was grey with real Zari which was Ammi’s and she had passed it to me eons ago. Unfortunately its grey shade didn’t seem to match. Moreover it had patches of faded areas on the front. This plan failed.
Then I had another flash. I took the saree to the dyer and asked him, “Can this be dyed Navy blue?” He replied, “Baji saree tou pure silk hai dye ho jayegi, lekin Zari kharab ho jayegi. Yes Asli zari hai.” I told him to take the risk.
A few days later when Fatima and I went back to collect the saree, we were astonished. It had come out so stunningly bright. The dyer said he used some technique of cold dyeing to prevent zari from getting black. We just had to get a matching blouse. There couldn’t have been more coordinated saree than this old heirloom piece. No one even till date believes this navy blue saree is at least 40 years old, dyed and belonged to Ammi when I wore frocks.
How much efforts went into making my boys wear these seemingly well-coordinated dresses in Fatima’s wedding is a story worth sharing.
Both boys Fasih and Ismail were hellbent that they have to wear a black shervani in Fatima’s wedding becuase that is what fathers and brothers wear in daughter’s/sister’s wedding. On the other hand, Abdullah being another person who was steadfast on his choice, wanted to wear a plain black shervani as a groom on his own wedding. No embellishments, no embroidery, no glitter and even no fancy buttons. Just a Jinnah kind plain black shervani. Period. Not even Fatima could convince him otherwise.
Fasih, on the contrary had no issues with slight embroidery at the collar. So I told Fasih, ” Yaar, the dulha is wearing a plain shervani, how can you wear a fancier shervani than the groom?” He seemed to understand, “Okay then I will wear a plain black shervani too. Let Ismail make a fancier one.” Ismail, “Why would I wear a fancy one? Am I crazy?”
But I had some other ulterior plans. But I knew these boys are hard nuts to crack, and very difficult to ask them to digress from a stereotypical attire of a black shervani on daughter/sister’s wedding.
Me: “But why do you have to wear shervanis?” Fasih: “Pher kya pehnun? Suit? No. Shaadi has to be shervani. I was mean: “Btw its not your shaadi. It’s your daughter’s shaadi. You can wear something else too.” Fasih got annoyed, “Kya matlab? This is the tradition. And I WILL WEAR A BLACK SHERVANI. SO WILL ISMAIL.”
I knew I was out for a big confrontation. I had already bought the tusser kurtas and red waistcoats for both of them from Fab India, and it coordinated so well with Fatima’s gharara and my saree that Fatima and I both got very excited. Fatima, “But Ammi I can bet, Papa will NEVER agree to wear this.” Me: “I know naa. Thats the problem.” Fatima: “Then why did you get?” Me: “Because I found this combination so good that I could not resist. And then I got two sets both their sizes available. It made me even more convinced this is what they shoulds wear in your shaadi.” Fatima: “Good luck Ammi. Convincing Papa and Ismail to wear these kurta and waistcoats is a bigger challenge than convincing Abdullah to wear a shervani with fancy buttons.”
And finally when Abdullah’s gorgeous Mom arrived in Karachi and saw her son’s plain balck shervani, she vetoed it and got one which had some embellishment on buttons. And Abdullah couldn’t say a thing. Me: “So Abdullah’s problem is solved. I am worried for Papa and Ismail now. How do I convince them?“ Fatima shrugged her shoulders.
It took me one week of brainwashing to make Fasih convinced to even try the kurta and waist coat out, before going to order a black shervani. He wore it and stood in front of the full length mirror. I blurted out all the lovey dovey adjectives that I could to tell him how handsome a ‘model’ he looked. But ofcourse he was stuck, “But black shervani will look even better.”
Now it was Ismail’s turn. When I showed him the kurta and the waist coat, he threw a tantrum, “How could you choose the kurta for me? Why did I not go with you?” Me: “Beta, I bought it from Delhi in October when I went to see Ammi. How could you go with me?” Fatima: “Ismail, look, we will all coordinate our dresses. Ammi’s saree is same colors, and you and Papa will have identical dresses.” Ismail, “Okay, so what footwear do we wear with this?” Me: “Footwear you can choose. We will got to the market and buy of your choice.” Fatima: “I think an embroidered golden Peshawri Chappal will look good on it.“ So Ismail was easily taken care of.
I knew Fasih was still not convinced. So I thought of seriously making a compromise. Me: “Babloo, okay let’s do one thing. You wear shervani to recieve the baraat and then change into this kurta and waist coat during rukhsati.” Fasih got triggered. “What do you want? You want me to become a Bollywood hero? Change dresses in the shaadi?” Me: “So what do we do? I think these kurtas & waistcoats are really cool and will give a very different exotic look to the whole wedding.” Fasih did not say anything.
So next day, we took off with Ismail and Fasih to buy their matching Peshawri chappals. And both of them found really gorgeous footwear with golden embrodery. Back home. “Fasih lets try these kurtas with the chappals.” Ismail and Fasih both tried their outfits and by our luck, one of Fasih’s cousin suddenly arrived. His immediate reaction was, “This designer idea must be Bhabi’s. It looks gorgeous. Mazaa aa jayega shaadi mein.” Fasih did not say anything. So next day when I asked him, “Are you not going to go to give measurements for shervani,“ Fasih retorted, “What shervani? You ruined all the plans. Its okay, I will wear this kurta.” I felt genuinely sorry. “No Babloo, if you really feel hurt, please make a shervani. You can wear this kurta some other day. I just want you to be happy.” Fasih, “Leave it now. I dont have time to go for shervani measurement.” Me: “Thank you Babloo. I love you.” Fasih: “Buss khush ho gayein apni marzi chala keyyy?” I didn’t say a word, just hugged him. and whispered to myself, “Only the persistent succeed !”
How much do I miss this nagging and annoying Fasih. Oh God 😦
Blind to Bounds 
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