Hold your hearts: This could be too emotional to handle for some.
On recommendation from my counselor on bereavement I was reading a few printouts given to me and one was on “How to make sense after losing a loving partner suddenly.” It was a painful read. I actually felt a heartache behind my sternum as I read through. It was like having a hard conversation with oneself. At one point it said, “Death of a partner means death of your dreams.” It elaborated the death of those plans of growing old, living a retired life together, caring for each other when old age makes both frail and unwell.
Ofcourse, only the very lucky, very rare partners die together. Its always one before the other. The unlucky one is left behind to make do with the memories only. But when your partner disappears in the prime of their life, with no health issues, no valid reason, and which could have been easily avoided, the pain is beyond any adjectives. However, when it is a reality, it has to be endured too. And as Fasih, being brave, always told of difficult situations in a matter-of-fact-way, “Jab hai muskil tou hai.”
It made me recollect a few verses, I had scribbled for us growing old way back in 2012. It made the ache behind my sternum even more intense. I went searching for it on the FB, that I have posted.
OLD LOVE : When eyes twinkle between wrinkles, When faces glow and smiles flow, When hands hold and passions unfold, When hearts ignite and souls unite. Is this what you call old love? 25+some years old, is old enough. Us in next 25 years. Syed
I continued reading after finding this pic as the therapist had said, “dont give up in the middle. Read them till the end.” She was right. The end was a bit therapeutic as it recommended journaling ones memories at the height of emotions. This is a way to heal and yet not be fearful that healing will mean forgetting the person or not being in love with the person you called your partner. “One can still grow old with the partner’s memories. All is not dead.”
Though, this talks of growing old in love, but I want to dedicate this post to some brilliant people I know who lost their partners in the prime of their ages, when kids were still young. And yet, they became both the mother and father for their children, and their love kept growing as they grew older with the memories of their partner. I wish I had met Parshu‘s Dad who lost his beautiful partner when in his prime, in his 40s with Parshu only 8 yrs old. And spent rest 50 years rearing his children, only to be united with his beloved around the time we lost Fasih.
Some days are not too bad. A little message or call from someone makes a difference. Some days are way worse than others. And nothing seems to uplift ones spirits. And it seems nothing in this world, nothing at all short of Fasih’s return will matter. Yesterday on first day of Eid seemed that day.
I am not superstitious. But some dreams have been very symbolic. And working in wierd ways.
Like the one 2 weeks ago in which Fasih asked me on a long drive, “Do you want to drive ? I want to enjoy the scenes.” This convinced me I have to be at the drivers seat now.
Yesterday I visited Fasih’s phupo who is so shaken, she told me it’s not the same world after Bobby. I couldnt agree more. I came home feeling guilty I had gone out meeting people.
Deep asleep later at night, I saw Fasih happily flying a kite in his typical tshirt and bermudas. I have never seen him flying kites ever. Dont know if he even knew how to fly one. I was interrupted and woken by Sonu, our cat mewing on my head to open the bathroom door. He has to go at night to drink water from the mug that is kept filled all the time on bathroom flooor for him. Fasih and Ismail often complained to me, “Why do you keep the the bathroom door closed when you know Sonu has to come and go at his will.”
Then talking to Fatima she told how phupo (Fasih’s sister) has taken Elmo with her and she plays with him and says it reminds her of how her brother played with Elmo and comforts her. And also visits home everyday to feed the Greys.
Such weird unrelated stories. But they seemed to be somewhat comforting. Don’t understand why. Then I saw this film shared by a friend. This film made my day.
I still dont understand why are all these trivial stories giving peace. But one thing is sure. I haven’t ever been a pet-lover like Fasih, Fatima or Ismail or others in his family. I need to get there and be closer to these pets. That will make him happy up there. ❤ Link here: https://www.facebook.com/quraishi.ilmana/posts/3503339006345309
Do watch this a minute and a half film. It’s very moving and shows the limit of love for ones pets.
In May 2018, I was in my office in Mississauga, Canada when I recieved a call from Jibran Nasir. He introduced me to Maria Aleem Junejo and said she was trying for a medical visa for her husband Aleem for India, and if there is any way she could be helped. He created a separate whatsapp group, and I began to chat with her.
I found Maria a very educated and strong willed person, who would do everything to help her husband Aleem get health and a new lease of life. Her husband had a lung condition for which the only permanent solution was a Heart-Lung Transplant. The wife was trying her level best to explore options for H-L Transplant including going to US or India. “Money is not a problem”, she said.
My next natural step was to refer Aleem & Maria to Fasih’s Pulmonology Clinic at Taj Consultants Clinics in Karachi. I knew Fasih had done some research paper on cases similar to his lung condition, years ago. Fasih called them to his clinic. They kept visiting him off and on. Fasih had told me and to them as well, “His lung complication can best be managed supportively to prevent complications till he is able to recieve a HL transplant.”
We tried our best for Indian medical.visa, knowing that was not difficult. I contacted the Consulate, wrote to the Indian Foreign Minister then, Madame Sushma Swaraj ( who had previously responded persoanlly to few of my emails with great affection) and a few insiders. But this time I did not get any reply. I even followed requests to Madam Sushma Swaraj on twitter and there was no response, once again. I then wrote to a very trusted journalist friend in Delhi. He explored and found out why I was not getting the response. He told me, “Ilmana there is little we can do for him. H-L transplant is a rare procedure that happens in some Indian hospitals and there is already a long queue for patients because it can only happen when there is massive fatal accident of a young person, whose entire Heart-Lung system needs to be taken almost immediately after death and transplanted to the recipient. There are already many patients waiting in line for years. It is not possible to jump through line, nor is it fair. Also being a very critical procedure, it is prioritized for Indian nationals only.” This was a fair argument.
My next natural outrage was at Pakistani healthcare system. And how broken it was and how the country could make nuclear weapons but cannot have tertiary care centre for Heart Lung Transplant. How many young lives are lost, only if H-L.Transplant could be used to help save lives. Ofc as usual I tagged PM Imran Khan and President Dr. Arif Alvi, Asad Omer, Ali Zaidi and others from Naya Pakistan, on several social media posts on FB and Twitter. My hope was at least these new ‘clean’ Pakistani politicians would care to bring this facility of Heart Lung Transplant to Pakistanis within Pakistan too. There was already no hope from other politicians anyways. If Pakistanis can get bombs and F-16s why not Heart Lung transpant too. But then why would they listen to a rant from a nobody like me.
I may have expected and gotten response from Sushma Swaraj, but there is no tradition of responding to ‘nobodies’ from the ‘powerfuls’ in Pakistan. ( BTW, not once have I been responded by anyone, in person or on social media on Syed Fasihuddin‘s demise in Pakistan, as a patriotic Pakistan, CEO of Taj Consultants Clinics, who invested everything and returned to Karachi with a dream to establish quality healthcare, died serving on the frontlines in the very city he loved to serve. A busy Pakistani American, Dr. Faheem Younus, the famous & leading pulmonologist from US could find time and relevance to condole in a message, but none from those in power in Pakistan at municipal, provincial or federal level. Such is the Raisat e Madina.They love and value economy, the VVIPs, personal friends but not other ordinary citizens including doctors. The only person for which PMIK has tweeted was”my friend” from Aitchitosn and VC from Nishtar who passed away from COVID. Ofcourse doctors dying on the frontlines who are not VVIPs or their classfellows, are like disposible gloves. So what if they are patriotic, humanity loving sincere proffessionals. Anyways, thats a discussion reserved for another day).
I know very well this Aleem’s wife Maria left no stone unturned. She kept reaching out to everyone who could possibly help in some hope to give a new lease of life to her ailing husband. She created a page Hope for Aleem, and kept helping others in need too through this page. When Fasih was in Canada in May, he was giving advice to someone on phone about their health issues. After he put the phone down he told me, it was Maria.
This gentleman lost his battle against his ailment, on July 28, 2020. I messaged a condolence note to her and mentioning about Fasih. And her reply was, “NOOOOOOO. I dont know about Dr. Fasih’s death. He was a great human being who helped him a LOT.”
. Madam Sushma Swaraj suddenly passed way on 6 Aug 2019. Fasih, his pulmonologist went away himself a month before the person for who he worried for his terminal lung condition.. The point of this post is obvious. All our lives our fragile. Extremely fragile. Yet some of us, especially our people in power live as if they are the bosses on Earth, invincible and indispensible.
Samaan saw baras ka, pal ki khaber nahin hai. (We plan for 100 years, but cannot gaurantee our life the next minute).
What an empty and lonely day today, without Syed Fasihuddin !
First: It was the day of Arafah in Makkah. Every year 25-30 million muslim pilgrims converge on Makkah for Hajj from all over the world. And a city of 3 million, gets overwhelmed with 30 million plus pilgrims. And with that, there is pressure on medical services. For doctors and other healthcare workers, it is made mandatory to work in Hajj season for one month with 12 hours per day shifts, with no weekends. For straight 25 years from 1990 to 2015, for 25 Hajj seasons, Fasih was the on duty Consultant Pulmonologist for the main Al Zahir Hospital in Makkah. Each year, like other doctors on duty, he would travel with critical patients in ambulance to enable them perform the day of Arafah. It is mandated by the Saudi authorities that if a pilgrim comes for Hajj from other parts of the world, no matter how sick they may get, they will be provided free healthcare, and free service to take them for the mandatory bits of Hajj including the stay of Arafah. A few times, the doctors including Fasih donned the ihram themselves, to perform the ‘flying Hajj’ as they called with their patients. Dozens of ambulances, with Consultants assigned to the group would carry the critically ill patients to Arafah and bring them back to the hospital at the end of the day. Every year, Fasih would be one of the lead Pulmonologists in the team, with many locums coming from other cities in KSA. All these years, he managed hundreds of thousands of patients with pneumonias, chest infections, Asthmas, Allergies, LRTIs, URTIs etc in the hospital wards. It was in these wards, sometimes he even bumped into his teachers, old neighbors, relatives, childhood friends as Hajis who he had not met in years. Many many Hajis who travelled from different parts of the world carried his phone numbers given by friends and relatives and he helped whoever asked him for any help, on phone, in person or inservice as their doctor. It is in all these years that he even came to face the SARS & MERS pandemics in Makkah. And hence gleefully told his colleagues in Karachi in 2020, “COVID is my third Corona pandemic.”
In the last year, in 2015 when he was winding up to return to Karachi, he requested the hospital director to give him leave so he can perfrom complete Hajj himself, which he did.
Fasih, the foodie was excited he would be home after 25 years to celebrate Baqr Eids in rest of his years, to enjoy chops, grill, and pulaos, bihari kababs, hunter-beefs all his favourite delicacies. He had the opportunity to not just celebrate but hosted Eid/bbq parties on his favorite terrace in past 5 years. It’s gutwrenching as a family, to even imagine all the Hajj, Eid and rest of the life going on without Fasih. Ofcourse, life goes on, as it always has, after every departure.
Second: Today was my appoinment for Holter ECG monitoring for palpitations(my PATs), which is btw nothing serious. I sat in the hospital, waiting for my turn. I kept looking at my messenger, and there was no message coming from Fasih, wishing good luck or checking in how it went. Kids kept inquiring, but it wasnt the same. 😦 Checking in to each other on any appointment, meetings, or other events personal or for Taj, were our daily norm. Probaby we have to get used to feeling Fasih’s presence in spirits and that he is checking-in looking directly down from up above, and not through messenger messages. Habits need to be re-set. 😦
Day of Arafah Mubarak all those who are performing Hajj this year.
❤
😦
Blind to Bounds 
You must be logged in to post a comment.