Hold your hearts: This could be too emotional to handle for some.
On recommendation from my counselor on bereavement I was reading a few printouts given to me and one was on “How to make sense after losing a loving partner suddenly.”
It was a painful read. I actually felt a heartache behind my sternum as I read through.
It was like having a hard conversation with oneself.
At one point it said, “Death of a partner means death of your dreams.”
It elaborated the death of those plans of growing old, living a retired life together, caring for each other when old age makes both frail and unwell.
Ofcourse, only the very lucky, very rare partners die together. Its always one before the other. The unlucky one is left behind to make do with the memories only. But when your partner disappears in the prime of their life, with no health issues, no valid reason, and which could have been easily avoided, the pain is beyond any adjectives. However, when it is a reality, it has to be endured too. And as Fasih, being brave, always told of difficult situations in a matter-of-fact-way, “Jab hai muskil tou hai.”
It made me recollect a few verses, I had scribbled for us growing old way back in 2012. It made the ache behind my sternum even more intense. I went searching for it on the FB, that I have posted.
OLD LOVE :
When eyes twinkle between wrinkles,
When faces glow and smiles flow,
When hands hold and passions unfold,
When hearts ignite and souls unite.
Is this what you call old love?
25+some years old, is old enough. Us in next 25 years. Syed
I continued reading after finding this pic as the therapist had said, “dont give up in the middle. Read them till the end.”
She was right. The end was a bit therapeutic as it recommended journaling ones memories at the height of emotions. This is a way to heal and yet not be fearful that healing will mean forgetting the person or not being in love with the person you called your partner. “One can still grow old with the partner’s memories. All is not dead.”
Though, this talks of growing old in love, but I want to dedicate this post to some brilliant people I know who lost their partners in the prime of their ages, when kids were still young. And yet, they became both the mother and father for their children, and their love kept growing as they grew older with the memories of their partner.
I wish I had met Parshu‘s Dad who lost his beautiful partner when in his prime, in his 40s with Parshu only 8 yrs old. And spent rest 50 years rearing his children, only to be united with his beloved around the time we lost Fasih.