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Archive for the ‘Social Issues’ Category

GADDHAFI YOU WERENT LIKE THIS, HAVE YOU CHANGED ?


Sixth day into the turmoil in Libya, with Benghazi and Triopoli burning and hundreds are dead.
“Power not for one day, two days but for 42 years. He  almost started to believe that he  owned Libya.” claim people.

Yes, it is  believable that power corrupts.

Yes, Gaddhafi Sir, you have been in power since 1969  and has it corrupted you too. when you as a  handsome, brave revolutionary with Nasser and Che as your  heroes came to power in Libya,  you wowed to bring a change. You had Ortega, Chavez and Mandela as your best friends.

And in the times when women rolled in the black abayas like the sacks of coal, you did take them out of it. You did bring them into the army. You did make them your personal guards.You did make them pilots, architects, engineers and policewomen.

You made the Libyans living in dark ages get education from 20% to 85 %.

You made the people selfsufficient of food. God gave Libya  black gold, you gave the Libyans blue gold.
Yes the power with which you have done these ruthless things, it has corrupted you.

People accused you of being a debauch or a womanizer. But I did not believe a word of what propaganda the west did against you. I thought they were jealous of your smart Libyan  girls. If you had kept them in Harems like your other colleagues in the region, you wouldn’t be called a womaniser.

You talked of Pan Arab Unity on the lines of Gamal Abdul Nasser. You became the passionate voice of the African Union. You were the ‘best friend ‘of Nelson Mandela in his own words.
Your Green Book  ideology spoke of Socialism and merged it with the moderate Islamic values. You made the bitter word ‘socailism’ palatable to the Muslims.  Yes by  talking of Palestine, Socialism, Unity you have committed offense, a real offense.

As a teenager, I considered you as a Hero. I found you handsome. They said you had a million dollar smile. And I agreed to that too.

As a student activist I even attended, in my youth ,  your International Youth Conference in Tripoli in September 1986. Your youth at that time was so inspired by your work and chanted slogans and songs in love for you.   Some guys back then  did hint that you got  angry at those who did not agree with you. But they said, you were fair too, to each one of the Libyans.
My respect for you increased many folds  when your tent house was ruthlessly bombed by the Americans in April 1986, and your darling baby girl you had adopted from an orphange, had died. Did the world not see that. But why would they remember it now?

You were amongst  the few, who openly and honestly supported the cause of Palestinian Liberation, when others like Saudi Arabia, Jordan, other Gulf monarchies were busy doing lip service and actually obeying the west.

Youth is an age of idealism. But is it that with age you changed ?

As one grows older one faces realities of life and one becomes selfish.
Has the same thing happened to you ?

Sometimes I wonder what”s wrong ?

First time I got disappointed was when you returned all the nuclear enrichment stuff voluntarily in return to appeasement from the West.  Has the revolutionary in you died ?

But still whatever crap the Westrn media or CIA used to talk about you, I never believed and knew it was to defame you.
Or is it as people say,  I am too enamoured by you, being unreasonably naive to believe in your ‘good intentions’.

They say what is  happening now is no  propaganda. It is all in black and white, having had 200 dead in 6 days just because you dont like their demand of democracy.

As the protests grew, texts were sent out over the Libyan mobile network urging “nationalist youths to defend the country’s national symbols.”

Translation of it by the vested interests ” Gaddafi wants thugs to deal with the protestors. This has led to more chaos and civilian deaths. Civilians have been killed at funerals, which just leads to more funerals. Tanks have run people over. Snipers shoot from rooftops and helicopters. There have been reports of machine guns and mercenaries, too.”

You better stop your westernised son to stop threatening the people you loved for all these years. He is so arrogant and heartless.  He has no idea how hard you worked to make Libya a modern and a moderate state. If I could I would have strangulated him by now, for  the way he was talking on TV and threatening the innocent people  with dire consequences. At least give that  ‘thug’ a hard punch from my side.

And then those tweets about “Gaddafi ordered mercenaries to rape Libyan women”

No, I dont believe it. I know you can’t do that. You had so much love and respect for women. I know this from the days I met you as a teenager.

I know this is a blatant lie.

Celebrating the World Day of Social Justice


On 26 November 2007, the United Nations General Assembly decided to observe 20 February annually – starting in 2009 – as the World Day of Social Justice.The pressing need to observe this day was felt by the signing members to promote efforts to tackle issues such as poverty, exclusion and unemployment.
The 192 member signatories unanimously adopted the resolution and also invited the also invited Member States to devote the Day to promoting activities at the national level in support of the objectives and goals of the 1995 World Summit for Social Development.
(http://www.un.org/documents/ga/conf166/aconf166-9.htm).

Governments meeting at that Summit pledged to make poverty eradication, the goal of full employment and the fostering of social integration overriding objectives of development.

In designating the World Day, the Assembly “recognizes the need to consolidate further the efforts of the international community in poverty eradication and in promoting full employment and decent work, gender equality and access to social well-being and justice for all.”

So today is the third year we celebrate the World Day of Social Justice.

How many more years will it take to bring the ‘social justice‘ only time will tell.

Let us not wait for the governments, social activists, media  to arrange elaborate functions for the day.

Let us, instead,  all celebrate this day in our own  little ways, as the bare minimum–being kind to the housemaid, not let anyone in our neighbourhood sleep hungry, giving the due wage to the workers under our employment, treating our girl child as well as the son, looking beyond caste, color and creed.

If not even this, then  at least keep in our thoughts, those less fortunate than us and create a tiny bit of concern and empathy in our hearts,  towards them.

HAPPY CELEBRATIONS!

FAKING AS A VALENTINE


I take a daisy in my hand and start plucking its petals one by one–

Valentine’s Day is good, Valentine’s Day is bad, is good, is bad…..
Why?

Despite being a person who holds strong opinions even on trivial issues, I am not able to decide yet if Valentine’s Day is good to celebrate or not.

The young  girl in me, still alive, reminisces the time when my friend, now  husband, used to send  cards and dried roses from across the border, when we barely even heard of this day. So when I could get those roses two decades back, without a Valentine Day around, why cant these young girls now?  At least on the Valentine Day if not everyday.

It isn’t a harmful day anyways, if one listens a bit less to one’s grey matter while listening to one’s ‘dil ki awaaz’.  It doesn’t tell you to hate or kill anyone.

After-all,  in this world loaded with hopelessness, despondency and  uncertainty, the youth have so many insecurities these days. Hence, if they get one day even to blow their tops off with celebrations in the name of love, let them.

Tomorrow again it will be business as usual for them too.

Only if it hadn’t gone as commercial as it currently is–but then what else has not gone commercial–be it Eids, Ramadans, Milads and  even Muharrams when people get made a wardrobe  full of black dresses to wear during the 40 days of mourning.

How I wish that people did not confuse ‘lovefrom lustwhich is so selfish and pervert–exactly the opposite of what love is meant to be–selfless and pure .

But on the other hand, when one sees  those numerous ads, of not just the innocent flowers, teddy bears or chocolates but of the products trying to boost one’s libido ahead of Valentine’s Day or even of those  contraceptives–it feels sickening.  As if those in need of this stuff wait for this single day  out of  all 365days  in an year.

Hence I feel guilty of corroborating with the misdirected purpose of the day, and not vehemently opposing it  with the loud mouth that I have.

There has also been research that if on one hand Valentine’s Day brings a tsunami of love amongst many, it erupts a volcano of dormant emotions in those who have either lost their loved ones, or were ditched by them or even those who never found their true love.

Valentine Day blues are real, not imaginary.

Yesterday I visited a seniors residence (an  old home) in Mississauga to get the first hand feel of both these emotions.

The place was being bedecked in red frills, and balloons everywhere.  It was a pleasurable sight  to witness how enthusiastic some elderly( in their 80s)  and the very elderly  ( in their  90s or beyond) were about the Valentine Day. The zest with which they cleaned their rooms, and the gleam of youth in their eyes as they  took out  their best clothes to be ironed,  even the most  emotionally challenged could not miss.

But at the same time I was extremely pained to see the tearful emptiness in the eyes of a wheel chair bound woman who said her husband has passed away very recently and she has no Valentine now.

She is not alone. There must be millions all round the globe today feeling miserable, unlucky, left out, unwanted, unloved or whatever their depressed emotions would make them feel.

Joining  in gloom, many young girls will fake and send themselves cards, chocolates or red roses to showoff to their friends what a ‘secret’ Valentine they are to ‘someone’ ‘somewhere’.

I do not feel sad for them, I feel helpless.

What if we could rise above our selfish love and make this feeling of ‘loved’ and ‘wanted’ so universal and selfless.

“When young girls can be innovative enough to fake Valentines Day for themselves, cant we just fake it for others too? ”  Came the flash in my head as I was attending a meeting of an  organization in this above mentioned ‘old home’s conference hall.

From that point in the meeting, I knew not  what did they discuss –as there was another meeting progressing  in my head.

As we finished, I approached the reception desk of the residence and asked the lady there if she had an idea, how many here would not be having any visitors or will not celebrate the Valentine Day.

After some reservation,  and some explanation from me, she came up with a figure of about twenty or so elderly who have no visiting appointments booked for the day. I discussed a plan with her, which after a phone call from her Manager, she readily agreed to.

I rushed home in excitement and asked my husband for a deal–that instead of buying a bunch of beautiful red roses and shoving them into a flower vase in our living room and let it sit there till the last flower dries, we shall buy two dozen rose buds and as many chocolates and visit the ‘residential’ place in the evening to fake as Valentines for those who have no visitors.

And to make sure that none of those elders get overwhelmed and get a wrong message, we shall go together–my husband and me–to give them the roses and chocolates.

At least they will smile and feel wanted, be it for a few minutes.  And hopefully the ‘feel good’ feeling will last as long as it will take the rose buds to dry in their vases.

I do not know how much of Valentine Day celebration is haram in my faith but I know that as part of our faith we are allowed to lie on three occasions–and one of them being when you want to please your loved one.

So today all these elderly men and women will have my husband and me as their Valentine. And we will  ‘fake’  love to just please them.

In this world of recession and promotions,  they will get a great deal–

BUY ONE VALENTINE,  GET ANOTHER FREE ! 🙂

WITH HOSNI WILL SUZANNE LEAVE TOO?


Mrs. Suzanne Mubarak, affectionately known as “Mama Suzanne” throughout Egypt.
Mubarak is a champion for the rights of children and women. She works to eradicate illiteracy in her country, supports health initiatives for mothers and children, and is a strong advocate of equal education opportunity for all boys and girls in Egypt.
She received a Bachelor’s degree in Political Science and a Master’s degree in Sociology of Education. For the Master’s degree, her topic of study was “Social Action Research in Urban Egypt: A Case of Primary School Upgrading in Bulaq.”
Mrs. Mubarak understands the power of communication and education in changing the world and serves as a patron of the children’s television series, Alam Simsim, Egypt’s version of the American series, Sesame Street. She affects positive change in her country, boosting literacy rates in Egypt and preparing young children for school, particularly young women. Mubarak supports this program because “Alam Simsim is intelligent children’s programming that can instill certain ideas and values that are indispensable in today’s world.”
Suzanne Mubarak is the founder and president of EBBY, which is the Egyptian chapter of International Board on Books for Young People (IBBY). Mrs. Mubarak has arranged a campaign called Reading for All, which seeks to increase literacy by encouraging reading aloud to children. In addition, she has established portable libraries and published low cost books for children and adults.
Suzanne Mubarak is the technical advisor for the National Council for Motherhood and Childhood in Egypt. Some of the goals of the council include: the reinforcement of women’s roles in society, the study and resolution of problems confronting women, the improvement of women’s performance in society, the monitoring of education of children, and the establishment of a healthy environment for children.
The list of international awards that Mrs. Mubarak has received is long and includes:
*The International Tolerance Prize from the European Academy for Arts and Sciences,
*the Health for All Gold Medal from the World Health Organization in recognition for improving the quality of life for women and children,
* the Honorary Fulbright Award for commitment to education, and
*the International Book Committee,
* International Book Award for her work in promoting reading in Egypt.
*Making a Difference Award from iEARN, USA. iEARN is a non-profit global network that uses the Internet and technology to bring young people together for collaborative educational projects.

Excerpts from Community Heroes by Christian Walsh
http://myhero.com/go/hero.asp?hero=suzannemubarak

KYOONKE HUM ZINDA QAUM HAIN


Bombs and bombs
One after the other
We still have mehndis with
Drumbeats and dandiyas.

Floods and floods
Wherever you saw
We still had iftaars
Table full and elaborate.

Destruction and demolition
Of homes and schools
We still rennovate homes
With Italian marbles and tiles.

Misery and poverty
From your door till mine
We still change wardrobes
With every changing season.

Hunger and malnutrion
As far your eyes can see
We still have overbooked tables
In buffets and gourmet restaurants.

Depression and despondency
In every household one knows
We still blowoff our tops on
Valentines Day celebrations.

Ask Why?
Kyonke, hum zinda qaum hain.
Jee haan, hum zinda qaum hain.

TRAVELLING PIA THE DESI STYLE


The moment one stands at the counter to check-in with the PIA ‘amla’ at any airport in the world, one gets the’ home coming’ vibes. The check-in may not be as orderly, the flight may be overbooked, delayed, or God knows what unforeseen might happen, but the badnaam-e-zamana PIA carries its own notorious charm–at least to me.
Seven starish chic airlines of the Middle East are too luxurious to exude a raw charm, and the modest, low budgeted Canadian four star carrier is boringly efficient.

So, go  East or West, PIA is the best.

Many of my compatriots living abroad don’t get the weirdness of my preference for PIA.

There’s an  emergency, and with  a short notice of barely a week to reach Karachi–I got a ticket booked on PIA.

Checking in and boarding the plane were uneventful. I took my boarding pass and fetched for my seat no. 25B. Happy that the counter person had obliged me with a seat in one of the front rows. I land on my seat, only  to find that it’s a middle seat with two over sized feudal looking gentlemen well seated on both sides. None of them were willing to give up either the window or the aisle seat to place me at the side. Not that I am a Miss World or Miss Petite etc but imagine a 15  hour journey in that tiny middle seat between the two of them where barely one cannot move one’s elbows beyond 30 degrees.

I threw my bag and jacket in the seat as they scanned unabashedly, the middle aged lady who was going to be their immediate neighbor. What if there was a petite young lass instead, what would be the frequency and wavelength of their X ray eyes, I wondered. ( By the way this scanning is the prerogative of our desi men–considered highly impolite in the rest of the world).

My desiness ( which actually never leaves me) springs into action. I requested the passing-by purser in shusta urdu, giving him reference of the famous ex Hockey Olympian Station Manager of some other city,  and of how he always got us  ‘good’ seats, convincing him to help me here.

He reassured, ‘Baji wait till everyone settles down.”

Finally after few negotiations in a packed flight, he tried,  failed and  gave up. But then again, on my begging, he took  up the challenge,and finally managed to get me a 3 seater shared with another lady.

And thus I got reassured, that despite a couple of years in Canada, my desi nepotism skills remained intact.

The two of us ladies made another deal, desi style. She was tired and the journey was  too long, so we decide we will take turns to stretch full length and  sleep. The other will either walk on the aisle or sit huddled in the corner of the seat. It was first her turn to lie down on the whole seat and sleep. In the meantime, I preferred to walk  on the aisle,  reading a book on Dreams.

After a  good nap of 4 hours, she happily got up and handed  over the seat with the  “ ab ye seat aapki hui’    expression.

Without delay, I wrapped myself up in the blanket and stretched  myself exactly the way we used to stretch ourselves  while sleeping on a train’s berth when kids. Barely half an hour had passed and the announcement called for a doctor on board. Before the desi me could even think of faking sleep and preferring to stay away, the doc in me sprung  up in a reflex action.

I  found myself  standing along with two other docs in front of a middle aged lady–very pale, cold and clammy not responding to our shouts. On pinching, she barely opened her eyes but  fell back unconscious, again. There was no pulse, but her fast breathing gave us a little relief and a hope of life .The BP too was unrecordable. The senior-most of us docs took the lead while the two of us  followed  his orders and managed her with the necessary steps. While she lay down on the aisle,  I knelt down to check her.

Whatever equipment needed was readily made available by the crew. With some first aid and medications, her pulse and BP seemed to return and she became more responsive, though was still extremely dizzy, sweating and anxious.

The Captain called one of us to to brief him of the situation,  and  asked  if there was the need to make an emergency landing  for her care. But the passenger being stable, now,  and unaccompanied–the consensus was reached that we, doctors,  will monitor her every  half hourly for the remaining  7 hours and act according  to her condition. Being the same gender as hers, I got the  responsibility to monitor her closely for the rest of the journey.

I offered  my 3 seater bed for her to lie down.
And so for sure was gone my turn to enjoy the luxurious PIA bed nap.

Jee haan, ab kaisa sona, kahan ki neend. I was officially on duty.

How much had I thought before embarking on the journey, of  a carefree  8 hour sleep on board, which I barely get any day at home. God must have definitely laughed at me  on my plans, then.

Well no regrets. It was for a noble cause.

As I settled down on a seated adjacent to my patient , many a souls came inquiring about her well being. I must have repeated the same description a dozen times in 30 min. There is no pun in it–this is the beauty and simplicity of our people–no matter how much our circumstances have made us ‘beyhiss’ (apathetic), we shed all our shells and cocoons when in such situations.

As the half hourly monitoring went on, so did the networking with the fellow passengers who trickled one by one to inquire about her well being.

A lady who runs a chain of 5 up-class Desi restaurants and banquet halls in Mississauga, offered her card and gave a life long offer of discounts in her outlets. Another with a boutique and who was traveling to Pakistan for getting the latest stock, offered her dresses at the minimum profit.

Yet another, a very simple lady, came up hesitantly with the presumption that being a doc I must be having some good contacts, and that she was  on a look out for some ‘really’ good girls for rishta for her ‘extremely ‘ good looking sharif son.

A gentleman came up to ask for measuring his BP and though I was not qualified to start a clinic in the air, the medico in me did not have the will to say no. And then two more asked for the same in exchange of their visiting cards and offered  their services in Canada.

Another elderly frail lady requested me to give her the insulin injection before her meals. To my fears for any ‘reaction’ she retorted, “So what ? I f it is written to die, I will die. Why will you be blamed?”

Respecting the strength in her conviction, I had no choice but to oblige, knowing very well that if any unforeseen happened, my degree would be at stake.

And the passing pursers–unfailingly gave each time  “Dr sahiba kuch lengee?”   offers.

The best hot and well brewed chai I ever had on any air travel was that day–from the stock of tea that the crew makes for itself during such long travels. Not once but maybe half a dozen times did I gulp that delicious tea down my ‘networking’ throat.

God knows how but an environment of concern built up in the flight.

It looked as if wave of empathy had spread faster than the wild fire of Tasmania. Everyone was so enthusiastic to help, not only the unwell lady, but any one who was in need.

I noticed many a neighbors offering  to carry the crying babies and strolled  them on the aisle while their moms got some some respite and some nap.

With regular monitoring and First-aid, as her pulse and BP rosee slowly and steadily, she became well enough to speak and respond to questions.

The whole plane wore smiles when she sat  up to take some sips of fluids. And thankfully the need to make an emergency landing vaned.  The crew members beamed in triumph and the message of her wellness was flashed to the Captain. And the Captain responded back with an  the announcement amidst cheers.

As I got ready to pack up for arrival at KHI  and bid farewell to the patient–she shoved her visiting card and asked for mine,  to invite to her sons wedding some months later in Canada and with a promise of a life long friendship..

Where else but PIA would one enjoy this desi networking? By that time I was  richer by at least a dozen and a half contacts and their visiting cards.

Every minute on board was packed with desi  thrill.

We all looked like a family–no one questioned anyone’s faith or sect or province, while helping or talking. I even saw some other fellow passengers exchanging their contact details. with the

How I wish, and I can only wish,  we embark on a similiar journey in Pakistan too where everyone helps everyone else without worrying about his faith or allegiance.

The plane landed at Karachi,  and we all departed with hugs, khuda hafizs and promises from some to stay in touch.

I walk down with speed across the placards at the exit of the tube. As I walked  past them to reach the immigration queue, a lady passenger came up to inform that there was a placard with my name too.

Yes, my PR gifted husband had used his desi ‘right ‘ connections at the airport to expedite my exit–in a true desi style. As if I had to catch a train in next few minutes.

The escort not only asked for my passport but also offered to carry my hand luggage, much to my embarrassment. More so because there, more than half the crowd’s glaring eyes were watching what was going on.

Finally in a typical desi style I was  whisked through the immigration at a supersonic speed , getting  the baggage form the belt, rushing  past the custom officers without any check even of the luggage tags.

I was really embarrassed and guilt ridden , but then there is a desi thrill in this VIP act too. And within minutes I was at the exit gates.

Before the exit, I turned back to find  a few hands waving Khuda Hafiz from far behind.

While I reciprocated to their waving with as much enthusiasm, I remembered  the take away message , a lecturer in  one of the social business  gave some years ago:

In order to be successful in this field one needs to be ‘people rich’ rather than money rich or mind rich.

His lesson seemed to make sense now.

HELICOPTER PARENTING-WHAT IS IT?


Exit: the generation of baby boomer parents.
Enter: the Generation X parents.

Being an offspring of a baby boomer parents, I grew up listening to stories from my parents of how different they were from their own parents—concerned and caring and proactively involved in their children’s upbringing. I had always noticed that majority of the parents of my mom-dad’s generation invaded into their children’s privacy and took decisions for them, including which profession to chose, who to marry and so on. (unless one was rarely lucky to have at least a Dad like mine, who was different enough to be called an exception to this the rule).In fact, the term called ‘personal space’ did not exist at least in our generation and especially in our society.


I had always presumed that we the parents of generation X were far more open and appropriately caring generation of parents , only until I came across a research from study by a researcher Neil Montgomery, a psychologist at Keene State College in New Hampshire. And then from a book called Millennials Go to College by authors Neil Howe and William Strauss. The book includes new data from surveys conducted of 1,000 college parents and 500 college students.

Gen X parents,the book claims, the generation after boomers, tend to be more protective and involved with their kids than boomers; 63% parents say they began planning for their kids’ college education in elementary school or earlier. Strauss says parents do this because they want accountability in light of rising tuitions.
“College has become a major investment, and you have to keep close tabs on it like you would any major investment,” says the author. “We tend to be a bit more of a helicopter parent because of it.”
HELICOPTER PARENT? I wondered as I read. So what is this new word? And I research on the net.

The word, helicopter parent, is the advent of early 21st century. It is a self-explanatory term that exemplifies the stock-in-trade of this type of parent:Hovering. Their children cannot move in any direction without the parent correcting, interfering, manipulating, or browbeating both their own children and everyone else who interacts with their children on a regular basis.
Helicopter parents are the bane of every coach’s existence. They hover over and interfere in nearly every aspect of their children’s lives. Teachers hate them, other parents avoid them, babysitters pay them lip-service but otherwise ignore them. Even pediatricians and Sunday school teachers have a hard time tolerating them.
Research reveals that among the gen X ,60% to 70% of parents are involved in some kind of helicoptering behaviour.

Various settings or places acknowledge the existence of this set of parents with a different yet appropriate nomenclature-

In Scandinavia, this phenomenon is known as ”curling parenthood” and describes parents who attempt to sweep all obstacles out of the paths of their children.
Some call it is “overparenting”. Parents try to resolve their child’s problems, and try to stop them coming to harm by keeping them out of dangerous situations.
Another interesting term being ”Lawnmower parents” to describe mothers and fathers who attempt to smooth out and mow down all obstacles, to the extent that they may even attempt to interfere at their children’s workplaces, regarding salaries and promotions, after they have graduated from college and are supposedly living on their own.
As the children of “helicopter parents” graduate and move into the job market, bosses, managers, personnel and human resources departments are becoming acquainted with the phenomenon. Some have reported that parents have even begun intruding on salary negotiations.
An extension of the term, “Black Hawk parents”, has been coined for those who cross the line from a mere excess of zeal to unethical behavior, such as writing their children’s college admission essays.
The rise of the cell phone is often blamed for the explosion of helicopter parenting — it has been called “the world’s longest umbilical cord” . Experts say cellphones and other devices foster strong bonds in today’s smaller families-hence enabling the parents to ‘think’ that they keep tract of every movement of their child. Even the kids get so dependent that they call back to their mom’s cell be it in home or at work place, for slightest of a problem.
A sketch of a typical helicopter parent:The research suggests that most helicoptering is done by mothers who are hyper-involved with (usually) their sons’ lives( fathers are more likely to use strong-arm tactics to get results.).

Providing everything to the child at the bleakest of demands and not letting them learn by falling or making mistakes.
She buys all of his clothes, cleans his room and does his chores, such as making his bed, arranging his books and even laying the meal on the table and then calling him for it. If the child is really preoccupied in his studies she might even give him bites in his mouth..
She helps the child do all the homeworks perfect and then prepares all the tests in order for him to get the perfect grades. And goes to the extent that revises hsi entire syllabus with him a day before the exam so that he does not miss a mark in the exam.
Drops and drives the child to school or college and back in the car, so that he faces no hardships and delays on the way.
Decides for the child what subjects to choose and what university to go, upto the extent of getting the iniversity brochures and even filling up the forms on his behalf.
If the child sits in an exam—mom waits outside the exam hall all through praying he does well.
Pushing the kids into activities that the parents fancy without bothering to know if he likes it or not..
And at times even when it is time for the cuddly son to go for a work interview and she drives him to the interview and feeds all the way as to what terms and conditions he should demand from his prospective employer.
In a summary, to be constantly hovering 24×7 over their children from preschool to the workplace.
To put it in few words—dreams of the moms to make their kids into SUPERKIDS.
Having said so much about the moms—I still feel there do exist some helicopter dads too.
Why do parents become helicopter parents?
Helicopter parents claim that they indulge into their children’s lives because they want the best for them.
Some parents use overindulgence “as a guilt management tool,” say experts. “(Other) parents just can’t see why you would deprive a child.”
And then there are cases of parents who were not supported or well taken care of as children. As a result, when they become parents, they tend to overindulge in their children. They promise themselves that their children will have better lives than they did. “They don’t want to upset their kids by not giving them the things they want,”

Does helicopter parenting help?
People whose parents are “laissez-faire,” giving their children whatever they want, are the most unhappy.. They tend to have low self-esteem and feel unworthy.
Psychotherapists believe that parents love their children so much they can’t stand to see them in pain, but then that’s not love. A parent’s overindulgence can have other negative effects, as well.
The child of a Helicopter Parent learns that she is not responsible for her own actions. Mom is.
Consequently, the kid will grow up and not be mentally or physically tough enough to survive out in the world,
Students with helicopter parents tended to be less open to new ideas and actions, as well as more vulnerable, anxious and self-consciousness, among other factors, compared with their counterparts with more distant parents.
If parents step in too early in problem or social situations, the children do not have the opportunity to gain necessary social skills and survival skills that are normally acquired during adolescence.
Consequentially such children will not know how to be responsible and will have problems with authority.
The role of the parent is to prepare a child to make it in the world on their own. The research reveals that the children of “authoritative” parents – strong parents who allow children some bargaining power – are the most happy.
A good mom allows her children to make mistakes, to learn how to win and lose gracefully, and to develop constructive problem solving skills.
Parents have to be consistent and strong,” research claims, or else, “ children will never respect boundaries or discipline”.
the researcher recommends that the parents must constantly keep a check on their actions and think about what they are doing as they raise their children, and be aware that there is such a thing as ‘over-parenting’.
The researcher hopes his work leads to more research in the area, including large studies on different populations of children, such as high-school and middle-school students. Future studies will hopefully bring about a clearer picture of helicopter parenting.
A helicopter parent may have good intentions, but her interference could make her child’s life much more difficult in the long run.
All helicopter moms, kindly think….
(PS Baby boomer parents generation: parents born post WWII between 1940s and mid 60s.
Generation X parents: born from late 60 s to early 80 (upto 1982).)

 

IlmanaFasih
6 December 2010

WE LOVE HOT FOOD, HOT NEWS AND STARPLUS BUSS.


Since time immemorial we are known for our spices. The westerners – the Portuguese, the French, the British all came to Indian subcontinent not for the intentions to rule us , but on a look out  for spices. India at that time was known as  the ‘spice heaven’ of the world..

And till now, we have maintained out appetite for spicy food. A little less masala in the Biryani and we complain it wasn’t delicious. Infact, we refuse to eat it.
Same is the case with our appetite for Masala news. WE LOVE SPICY NEWS , RELISH IT,  CHEW IT LONG IN OUR MOUTHS,  AND EVEN REGURGITATE IT with blogs after blogs. But any boring bland news we just swallow it like my son does to the tasteless vegetables.

Human rights group called HUMAN RIGHTS WATCH, based in New York, way back in 1999 published a report that Pakistani women, 90% of them, are subjected to verbal, sexual, emotional, or physical abuse in their very homes. I remember seeing the news in various newspapers. But am sure it just went unnoticed–one,  that not many have the habit to read, two, it didnt come as a dramatic news on the TV tagged with a celebrity announcing it.

Yes we are a nation who  loves  to watch TV too and we love dramas the most.

When our dramas became boring with loaded intellect of Sania, Marina, Samina like dull boring women, we switched to watching STARPLUS from India–because they are more spicy.

TO HELL WITH INTELLECT.

So right was  Mehr Bukhari on a TV show just a day ago that,  “We are intellectually bankrupt, and hence we want media or the starlets to take the lead in reformation of the society.”

How many of us remember the name of a faceless girl Amina on whom acid was thrown on her face by her husband in Karachi a couple of years ago and YES she too protested a great deal and came in the media and was evenhighlighted by I A REHMAN, the director of the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan.

But why should we?

Neither she was a starlet wearing sphagetti sleeves in front of a Mullah nor was IA Rehman a macho.

How many of us even can recognise the picture of Dr Shazia Khalid who was gang raped in Balochistan and that triggered the war between Pak army and Baloch tribes. Not a small issue.
Why the hell should we–she was not at all a Bigboss enterant. And she did protest too,  that too against the rapists, who we know who they are ,and then left to USA out of frustration and her safety. How many blogs came out on her–there were but not as many, I can bet.
But she never became the champion of the raped girls or symbol of oppression..

Yes Mukhtara Mai did become one. I am glad and I laud all of us for making her so- the media, the bloggers, the FB friends. We all made her the ‘hero’.  Not she herself. Exceptions are always there.

A  schoolgirl,  Kainat Soomro was gang raped at the age of 13. Four years later, today, she is still fighting for justice.
“Kainat Soomro should have stayed silent. After being battered and gang raped for four days her traditional, conservative village in rural Pakistan expected the 13-year-old girl to keep her story to herself. She refused.”

Writes Robin Crilly,   from Daily Telegraph on just 26 December, 2010. How many of us cross posted after reading it.  And this includes me too. I do not absolve myself from this indifference.

This is what a 13 year old Kainat said,
“This is what happens in Pakistan. Poor women have no chance. These men set the rules and think they know how to deal with these issues. They don’t.”
But who noticed?  Who called her a Warrior Princess? Who claimed that Kaanat is ‘me’?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/pakistan/8224111/Pakistans-rape-victim-who-dared-to-fight-back.html

And then just yesterday the DAWN blog by Shyma  highlighting the killing of a faceless SAIMA etc and addressing to the frenzy of the bloggers to ‘hot’ stuff.

And I waited for 24 hours with impatience to see how many of my FB friends, who went and crossposted Veena , went gaga over her courage and valour, will crosspost this. Not even ONE did. Yes not even ONE.

http://blog.dawn.com/2011/01/26/this-blog-is-for-you/

Who are we  kidding guys?

I can go endlessly with such cases who are loaded  with serious issues and serious struggles. But the point is again we are a masala loving nation. And we want masala, the hotter the better.

I was wondering for the last 24 hours as to what is wrong with my brain, my thinking. Did God assemble it wrong order when doing so. Why do I think ‘wierd’ from others, when all of us agree to one thing that this is extremism, bigotry, moral policing is wrong.

I too think Veena being moral policed is wrong but then why am I not being a veena wannabe.
Is it because I am old or I am jealous of her beauty. May be, subconciously.

I even love hot food. But why not hot news then?

Then suddenly I get a flash in my head in the middle of a very important presentation that I was doing for an international organisation begging them to pay their attention to the Maternal Mortality in Pakistan too, not just India or Bangladesh.

And then the reality flashed probably because I donot ever ever switch on to the never ending soaps that run on STAR PLUS. I am so feeble minded that I cant recall even one name.

To what extent am I blind will be obvious from this incident- when I ran into a ‘huge’ startlet who was a VIP for a fundraiser we had worked for–I just didnt place her and offered her a seat in the audience much to the offence of the organisers as well she herself.

Yes I donot watch Indian STARPLUS and that is my anomaly. I get it now to the peace of my mind. Hence,  I dont get the greatness in the two minutes screaming of a STARPLUS  heroine to a two minute moral policing for her.

But I love ‘hot’ food , please.

Ilmana Fasih

P.S.  I WANT TO CLARIFY THAT MY PROTEST HERE BLOG AFTER BLOG IS NOT WITH VEENA , IT IS THOSE WHO BLOW THINGS OUT OF PROPORTION WITH NO END ACHIEVED THRO IT. AS FAST AS THE BUBBLE ERRUPTS, AS FAST IT BURSTS. I AWAIT HOW AGAIN WE WILL SLEEP A DEEP SLEEP AND SWTICH ON TO STARPLUS WHEN THE VEENA BUBBLE BURSTS.

IS JUST MULLAH BASHING THE PURPOSE OF OUR LIFE?


Not just our country Pakistan but the whole muslim population is polarised between radicals and the liberals. Between the blacks ( radicals) and the whites ( we the liberals) –sorry if I sound racist here–there lie various shades of grey who keep’ rolling’ between the two ends depending upon the tilt. We the whites and they the blacks, are colorfast. No matter how much bleach you may use the blacks wont fade and stay ‘stubbornly’ black. Similarly no matter how much stain the blacks pour on us the liberals, we stay ‘sparkling’ ( Sorry if I sound conceited here). The vulnerable( for blacks) or malleable ( for whites)  are the ‘rolling’ grey of all shades. They aren’t even sure what color they are–sometimes they see themselves dark grey some times just a tint. It is this ‘rolling’ grey shades which can be dyed through manipulation into either black or white . Whether the black or the white succeeds in pulling them towards it’s side is up to their skills and ability.

Enough of playing with black, white and grey, let me come to the point. The two ends of the polarised group are hard to budge, no matter what. It is the vast majority of our undecided minds ( who I really find hard to give a name so call them the ‘rolling’ grey)  which needs to be pulled towards our side.

Our mistake is we target the radicals and desperately want to them have a change of hearts. The heart transplantation or to put it straight the change in mindset is a lot more easy, thought still not so easy,  in the unstable unsure group who’s leanings keep going seesaw.

When situations like Salman Taseer’s ghastly murder or Benazir’s assassination arise, the emotions and passions that burst out are well understood and justified. And such situations do merit strong condemnation and reaction so that the black radicals don’t get away with the crime scot-free.

But unfortunately when the current situations of Veena Malik or any thing similar arises our passions go boom out of a proportion. Two minutes of her cry and screams and the statuses erupt and the tweeters start tweeting veena tunes. We start Mullah bashing. Glorify the lady in news who is neither liberal nor moderate but a pure opportunist struggling to stay in news.

Have we ever given a tickle to our grey matter as to who are we harming with this knee jerk reaction–our own cause, of course..

Why?

Every society has their value system. For instance if in Japan touching is considered a taboo, then we  do not go to Japan and hug them tight because we think that is right. We respect their cultural value and bow at right angle instead or giving them a jhappi or even shaking hands with them. And we see nothing wrong in this.

When we go in such  immature proVeena frenzy, beyond  proportions,  it is this undecided grey class who we lose. It is important to realise that we too, like in Japan,  live in a society which has certain value system,  rightly or wrongly.

We may not be on board with them  but their sentiments do get hurt when they realise that we are hitting hard on their values. Okay we needn’t appease the blasphemous values–even if many have  it. But yes if majority of the grey class thinks that hugging and smooching in public and whatever she did in the reality show does not comply to the common perception of decency, we can’t go on praising her for being brave. If she doesn’t deserve moral policing she does not deserve glorification either. I wonder but this is common sense to me. Or maybe because Japan is Japan the respect for culture holds up there, but when in Pakistan–‘culture ki aisi taisi’  attitude prevails like we have for every other ‘real’ issue.

It is then that this grey ‘rolling’ class finds us the liberals as threatening and deviated from the normal moral values. And they start seeing more sense at the other end. I realised this for the first time when I myself felt really disgusted with the way the lady was glorified from being a’ Warrior princess’ to a ‘symbol of oppression’ or ‘stunningly sexy’ to a ’embodiment of grace’. I found all the enlightenment gone dark then .

We accuse the radicals of exaggerating –yes they do but then we do no less. With the ‘fatwa factory’ rhetoric going all over I actually googled to look for where is the fatwa for her. But neither was there any real fatwa nor even the mention by the mullah of any fatwa during his firey discourse with the drama queen.

What is the purpose of our being a liberal intellectual –just to do mullah bashing? Okay then no need to even wait for Veena Malik incident–just stand in your balcony and shout four letter words on every bearded passerby. You will feel far more satiated. But if our purpose is to lure the undecided group lean towards us and bring a real transformation in the society’s  MINDSET then we need to act responsible, more rational and a lot less emotional.

Why was  it that the TTP or Fazlullah was able to gain ground in Swat,  because he  kept his hand on the pulse of the ‘greys’–they used to go door to door telling women that they too have property rights and hence easily getting at least 50% of the population on board.  Whether they stuck to their words is another story but their luring tactics was flawless. Similarly the radicals reap on the poverty and their plight by providing real solutions to them through financial aid or key to the Jannah. It is hard to recruit volunteers for door to door flier distribution and they recruit suicide bombers. We need to look into their modus operandi to learn how to succeed.

Compare this to the leftist ideology. There can be nothing more people friendly than Socialism but the moment they talk of religion being the ‘ opium’  the mediocre mind backs out.  Abandoning God is the last thing even a half believer would want. Well this is my calculated common sensible opinion. One may not agree.

And what do we do instead –just mock at the mullah or anyone who follows them. Have you ever seen anyone being your well-wisher if you mock at him. Just give it a try.

If Veena was to be labelled warrior princess then why was Taseer till now not been beatified into a Saint ?
He stood defending a cause which was not his and he needed no publicity stunt to boost his ratings. Does it make same sense as it does to me?

We call ourselves intellectuals–should we also not use our top floor to sense the pulse of the public in order to win them over. Let this be for the tactic sake,  if not for principle.

My personal opinion is that we should reserve our extreme reactions to ‘real issues’ and not  ‘non issues’.

By being unduly emotional on trivial issues like the Veena stint and using rhetoric like ‘fatwas’ when there was no fatwa and ‘ warrior princess’ when she was just doing her publicity stunt, we lose the few of genuine sympathisers who we were able to gain after Taseer’s death or Aasia’s blasphemy verdict or after the Ahmedi blasts. I too lost myself on this incident.

I was left wondering since past few days as to why is it that the fantastic titles the lady could gather in two minutes Asma Jehangir, Sherry Rehman, Beena Sarwar couldn’t  in so many years.  Again I think it is common sense, these are serious  women for whom  fighting  for against moral policing  is a ‘serious business’  and work steadily albeit slowly towards their cause and change of mindsets.   But those naive pens for whom liberal values are more of a fashion trend than conviction don’t get this.

Are we ready to open the windows of our enlightened mind to get some ventilation with fresh air ?

OH! MY FACE BOOK PALS


Since tha past 24 hours thanks to the ‘ interview drama’ of Veena Malik with KS and the Mullah, all the enlightened walls on Face Book were spilling with sympathies and praises for the’ last bastion’ of Women’s Lib called THE VEENA MALIK.

If Syed Ali Abbas Zaidi was seriously worried and praying about her life and safe well being ( though he clarified the pun intended in it later ) then Maheen Usmani’s wall did KUDOS to her.

And then there was an argument by an Indian on Maheen’s wall where he remarked:

“Female performing artists in Pakistan face an unenviable hostility & I sympathise with them. Meera has also faced this type of hostility. Sensible people in media must stop this.”

And went on to say:

“What I appreciate is her courage to stand before mullas in a bold manner.This is different Pakistan.Salman Tasseer was not assasinated but crucified in full public view & nobody believes any thing will be done to his murderer.He has done nothing but just criticized a law which politicians do aLL THE TIME anywhere. Your MP Sherry is in hiding.Under these circumstances any body who can speak up is certainly a hero. I know most of you who take part in discussions involving religion are doing under assumed names. She may not merit our time & energy as an artist. But why so much of shor & fatwas? It is because she is a woman who dares to challenge maulvis ,that she deserves our praise.”

And hence, mixing the issue of Blasphemy and Taseer’s murder with Veena Malik’s petty fatwas.

The same person went on to remark that:

” All the politicians & journalists are prostrating before mullas.she is the only one standing firm.I think she deserves nobel prize for bravery.”
Please here note the comment: SHE IS THE ONLY ONE STANDING FIRM.

And then this article in Dawn by Sana Saleem about Veena Malik representing the voice of the oppressed women of Pakistan. The tearful Veena  moved her so much that she

“I must commend Veena for standing her ground with such ‘grace.’”

” In a country where rape is justified, murderers glorified and women threatened by fatwas, Veena speaks for me and many others.”

And came the emotional write up   ‘Veena : the warrior Princess’   by   Saad Zubeiri       screaming  in bold letters:

“Veena Malik is my new hero. Really, she is. And not because she looked absolutely stunning (someone had to mention it!) on Kamran Shahid’s train-wreck of a show the other day.”

“Intellectual debate appears sexy to those deprived of such discourse,”

“You know, mufti sahab, after all said and done, I’d much rather have a “beghairat”actress who wears shorts and hugs kaafir men represent me and my country than pseudo mullahs who not only lie but go around issuing reckless fatwasagainst innocent men and women that get them killed.”

Yes Maheen, you may kudos her for what she did to the Mullah. It was a treat to watch for all of us, but then all the praises that were showered to her on your wall from ‘NOBEL PRIZE worthy, to being ‘INTELLIGENT. ‘COURAGEOUS’ artist, or THE ONLY WOMAN TO STAND UP TO THE MULLAH’ were frankly pretty distasteful.

And Sana Saleem, you may be considering Veena Malik as a CHAMPION OF THE OPPRESSED WOMEN  in Pakistan or in your own words ‘REPRESENTING YOU’,   I am sure Sania Saeed, Marina Khan do not endorse her as their representative. Neither would the really oppressed day to day common woman of Pakistan would want to be reperesented by her.

I wonder where was the ‘grace’  when she screamed at the top of her voice on the TV and if this drama  didn’t  work ,  started to shed briny tears asking for support from people for actions which she called was ‘her own agenda’. You conveniently missed mentioning this in you write up ma’am Sana.

Good lord! So much has our anger and hatred for Mullahs swelled that we have lost the judgement of good and bad. Whoever stands up against  Mullahs is  THE GREAT.

It’s like the enemy of our enemy is our best friend.

Anyone who confronts the mullah is a REVEREND

Have we stooped down to those depths that anyone who shouts two sentences at Mullahs gets to be the REAL CHAMPION while all those years of struggle by Beena Sarwars, Sherry Rehmans , Asma Jehangirs are left in the dark with no cheers to them. Suddenly has Veena Malik popped up on the scene with a ‘CHAMPION OF THE OPPRESSED’  label.

Probably if Sana Saleem is to be believed these stalwarts should pack their bags and join behind Veena Malik as their leader.

Let this be reminded to you,again,  Sana Saleem,  that she said in the program in so many words that she went there in BigBoss with ” my own agenda”. So let her defend  her own agenda. Why do you thrust upon her the agenda of all Oppressed women of Pakistan?  Please don’t  let your scarce emotional intelligence pull things out of proportions. Let her agenda be hers not ‘mine’.  I donot need her crutches to stand up on my liberal values or to pull my sisters out of oppression.

And if any one owns her as ‘me’ then please own all that is associated with her–the pea sized intellect,  the cheap publicity stunts, the scandals and the B/C grade Lollywood movies she represents.

Oh! But I get it now, Sana Saleem,  to be a champion against extremism with ‘grace’, one needs to scream extremely on the Mullah through the TV screen in Inglish. Yeah she is the real graceful  champion.

And Saad Zubeir: fine you find her stunning–as beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.  And yes I agree her screams and the briny tears did stun many a souls and even got the Mullah numb.

Intellect?  Which corner of the screen did the intellect hide–behind Kamran?  Mullah?  Veena? Oh, in the abundant bare flesh that was visible . You’re right sir.

And you say you will choose Veena  over the ghairat brigade. Sir, only beggars are no choosers, so you may be a beggar to choose from just  two lame options. I am not. I have my own several options to choose from which include neither Veena  nor the  Mullah. Good luck being a veena wannabe!

True, it is entirely her business to behave the way she wants on the Big Boss, and whatever brief clothes she wears, and to whoever guy she clings to. And that she will do what her aptitude will tell her to and that no one has any business to stop her from coming back to her homeland or even issue fatwa against her.

As much as Veena is hated in Pakistan, so is the case with Rakhi Sawant in India. So here the pathology doesn’t lie with the people or the TV anchor or the Mullah, but with the ‘lady’ in question.

Being a person who resides on both sides of the border, I am not just concerned about what stir she  has  created in Pakistan but also what image she painted of Pakistan in India, in the name of a Pakistani female artist.

In my personal opinion the much hue and cry all over, about Veena Malik painting a poor image of Islam and Pakistan through her performance in the Big Boss is, to some extent valid too, but for a totally different reason.

Knowing very well the psyche and the mindset of the average Indian urban Soap watching middle class who love such shows, it is certainly not her skimpy clothes or her flirtation or her clinging to the guys on the show, which paints a poor picture of Pakistan or Islam.

On the contrary it is the poor intellect, the Inglish speaking wannabe behaviour and the desperate attempts at showing off that she is cool or hot or whatever — is what makes her or other similiar Pakistanis the laughing stock in Indian households.

Indians in general don’t get to see much of Pakistani channels as easily as their Pakistani counterparts see the Star Plus etc.
Hence the only an average Indian household gets to see is Meera and then Veena Malik representing Pakistani TV artists. There is only a selective elite there who is aware of the likes of Sania Saeeds, Marina Khans etc

I wish some one more appropriate  had represented a Pakistani female artist  in the Big Boss and boosted the ratings of this poorly  imaged  country the way Shilpa Shetty boosted the image of  Indian artists after the British version of it.  She emerged out of it as the ‘Indian Princess’.

And then just moments ago, another person on Maheen’s wall comes up with the real answer and sums up the whole drama beautifully in few words:

“She never stood against extremism, she is only protecting herself. we dont need to make wrong ideals.

And we dont need to stand behind wrong people for the right reasons. I don’t need opportunists like veena to define my liberal values.”

Kudos to you ADIL NAUSHAD for making that observation.

Ilmana Fasih
22 Jan 2011.